File this under "things you don't want to know about your co-workers"

Now let me just preface this by saying that I already have toilet issues ie I usually get stage fright if there is anyone else within earshot so if I know someone could be listening nothing's happenin. 6 months ago I moved offices and where I am in my building I can either go to a 3 stall loo or a 2 stall loo (or if I really want to trek there is my fave 1 stall loo waaaay down the other end of the building). So I've been trying to overcome my "issues" and have a few strategies in place but I'm still finding it hard to deal with a) hearing grunts and sighs of people shitting in the stalls next to me b) having anyone sitting in the stall directly next to me because unfortunately for me I have an extremely vivid imagination so there might as well not be any sort of partition next to me as I can see the person and what they're doing all too well and c) toilet acknowledgment - ie the nod or "hi" that is required when you're washing your hands or walking out or whatever when someone you know is walking in. All too intimate for me... anyway...

All of that (and more) aside... one thing that I'm not coping with too well is the, now, intimate knowledge of my co-workers, the people I have to deal with and sit with on a daily basis's personal hygiene. This is something I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW. So when I walk into the 3 stall loo the other day and there is someone in stall 1 I promptly take stall 3 to keep that buffer between us and try and do my thing. Stall1gal flushes and walks out to the sink and swishes the water on for 2 seconds then grabs some paper towels.... I'm thinking a two second token turning on of the tap does not equate to washing ones hands. Not that I'm a germaphobe or anything like that but I do believe in washing hands after toileting. So as not to get, as my friend calls it "doodle fingers" when she is talking to her small son about washing his hands. So I'm a lil grossed out and and finish my bidness and walk out hoping this person has left as it's already been a significant time and they should have left already but no... there stands my big boss. eeeuuuuwwwwwwwwwwww. Now I'm just grossed out AND she starts to talk to me about work stuff while I'm washing my hands, with soap, while she's just chat chatting away... I didn't say anything but was tempted.... I mean eeuuuwwwww I can't look at her the same way and I'm damn well not touching anything she has.

My previously mentioned fave 1 stall loo on the other side of the building is actually a unisex loo which has also come with similar unsavoury stories as the above as in I've been walking past, heard a flush then the door has immediately opened and people I know have walked out... flushing and walking out = no hand washing which = doodle fingers (and they've been guys so they really do have doodle fingers) = eeuuw you gross bastards.

Not fucking hard to wash your hands... gross.

And now that I've severely grossed myself out with that, I'm not going to tell you more stories which could be filed under "waaay too much information" because no doubt once I've overcome the nausea I'll tell you them too. yeech