Again, I've been slacking off. Actually I've taken back to paper, yep have rediscovered my journal. But my conscience couldn't leave you alone. I can't even begin to recap over the past couple of months since I've last posted. Lets just say that I'm going to be so glad once this year is over but at the same time I've discovered happiness. Funny because it seems to have been a completely shite year for most people I know. 2010 is going to have a lot to live up to. Either way as long as it's better than 2009 then it's good for me.

My beautiful man does actually have a girlfriend at the moment but poor man, doesn't quite realise that he's mine yet. I know that things will work out my way one way or another. I am manifesting a date for NYE although he hasn't made himself known to me yet. Next week eh?

And I've had an odd realisation during this time. Happiness is not something you find but something you create. All this time I've been waiting for it to find me... and it's something I need to make myself. To change MY way of thinking. Huge DUH moment huh? Needless to say the past couple of months have been particularly happy.

Of course except today when I've let things get to me a little bit. But I blame the full moon for my frustrations and irritations. I know it won't last long and nothing that champagne won't help.

Celebrated the 1st anniversary of M'Lord's death last month, was particularly awful and tearfilled so I won't go into it in detail. But even a year later I miss him like it was yesterday. Still haven't quite had the courage to adopt a new friend. Just not the same and I'm just not sure I can hack that connection yet. There's one particular tile, his tile, that just kills me when I look at it. As much as possible I try not to go there because when I do I just end up a howling mess. I do not look forward to the day when I lose a human.

Xmas on the way and I have more to say about that in my next post but right now the champers is kicking in and I'm losing coherency and my fingers are starting to type rubbish.... ;}