Tick fuckin tock
Had a little freak out last night when I realised that I'll be 35 this year. Thirtyfuckingfive!!! Time is running out, the weeks are flying past and all of a sudden it's fucking May and half the bloody year is almost over. Again!!
And still I have no man and I am not pregnant. I never wanted to be one of those women in her thirties who reeked of desperation and eyed off every male as a potential babydaddy trying out his lastname for cadence and yet I find myself being exactly her. I want/need to have a baby before it's too late and now that I've had a little bit more of a freak out I'm feeling it all a little bit more strongly than ever before.
Nevermind my bloody parents chipping in with their two cents about wanting to be grandparents etc. At least I've got babysitters on call if I need them eh?
For fucks sake I even have a plan B in that the lovely Chip is prepared to be my surrogate if I can't actually conceive myself. I don't want it to come to that but at least I have a plan B.
I keep hearing that I need to be honest with myself and admit my true feelings to myself before anything will happen and I have! I don't know how much more honest I can be or what I'm hiding from myself. I don't know what else I need to do and I think I'm going to have to book in with L and see what else I need to do. I'm willing to do whatever it takes but I just bloodywell need to know what it is so I can do it!
*sigh* end of freak out for the moment...
And still I have no man and I am not pregnant. I never wanted to be one of those women in her thirties who reeked of desperation and eyed off every male as a potential babydaddy trying out his lastname for cadence and yet I find myself being exactly her. I want/need to have a baby before it's too late and now that I've had a little bit more of a freak out I'm feeling it all a little bit more strongly than ever before.
Nevermind my bloody parents chipping in with their two cents about wanting to be grandparents etc. At least I've got babysitters on call if I need them eh?
For fucks sake I even have a plan B in that the lovely Chip is prepared to be my surrogate if I can't actually conceive myself. I don't want it to come to that but at least I have a plan B.
I keep hearing that I need to be honest with myself and admit my true feelings to myself before anything will happen and I have! I don't know how much more honest I can be or what I'm hiding from myself. I don't know what else I need to do and I think I'm going to have to book in with L and see what else I need to do. I'm willing to do whatever it takes but I just bloodywell need to know what it is so I can do it!
*sigh* end of freak out for the moment...
posted by The Tormented Girl @ 5/04/2009 06:35:00 pm
3 Tormentors:
At Mon May 04, 10:13:00 pm,
Anonymous said…
Damn, wish I could comment. I certainly feel for you - do you just give off these vibes that have kept you out of the "baker's club"?
At Mon May 04, 10:17:00 pm,
Anonymous said…
Didn't mean to sound harsh - or put you down; the bio-clock's a deadset worry; wish i was 20yrs younger ... so i could help - or we could have both had fun trying.
At Tue May 05, 07:57:00 am,
The Tormented Girl said…
Call me old fashioned but I think a kid should have a Dad. I could go out and get inseminated by some random guy but I want the package deal and decent men are scarce. Or already taken. Or gay.
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