Pregnant men

It's weird, I went through a stage a few years ago where a lot of my girlfriends were getting pregnant. There was 5 of them at the one time, a few months apart, and they formed a little group that I was excluded from. They went through their pains and aches and cravings together. Went to birthing classes and swapped pregnancy books. Cooing over cute little baby clothes and buying prams and baby paraphernalia. All the while telling me "just wait til it's your turn" and "you don't know what it's like".

That was hard enough but now it seems that my guy friends are going through the same thing. 3 of my guy friend's partners have had children recently. All within a couple of months of each other. Proudly, they tell me about baby not sleeping through the night, of baby's first smile and trying to adjust to fatherhood. I humour them and listen to their stories and smile and nod in the right places. It's not that I'm not interested, it's just that that bitter and jealous part of me is bickering in my ear and it makes it hard to bear their happiness.

I never felt the tick of the biological clock before and I wonder if I can hear it now only because I feel like I'm falling behind? Is that tick a little louder only because of the empty echo of loneliness? I know that parenthood isn't all the soft golden glow that it seems and that it's filled with shitty nappies and sleepless nights. But it sucks to feel left out. I know I've bitched about idiotic parents and annoying brats but at the same time I want my own brat. And of course it will be different. I will be spawning the perfect child. Perfect in manners and intelligence. Perfect in personality and future prospects. Of course it will be different, of course.

I just console myself with "Good things come to those who wait". And I'm waiting, patiently waiting.