It happened one day as I was walking along

So I ran into my ex the other day... and we're not talking about the library ex but the one after him. And of course as most exes do, he looked good, real good. Damn I hate that. A lot.

Anyway I seem to be having some serious ex flashbacks here because I've caught up with 3 in the last 2 weeks. Dunno what's in the air but it's just weird. But I've used the experiance as a reexamination of the good and bad of each relationship. I think I've needed to do that to remember the good stuff, not just the bad which is what I've been focussing on recently. I think I've forgotten all the good times, the sweet times that I've had. I've become a little bitter and jaded and it's funny how life shows you what you need to know when you need to know it. I think that I need to get over that bitterness before I can move forward again. I find it really hard to forgive and forget but I think that I can make the bad memories blurry so that they're not so sharp and cutting anymore. At this point in time, I think it's the best I can do.

And then I did the Color Quiz that With Love, Fat Girl wrote about recently and cuz I'm a sucker for these quiz things I did my own colour picking and woah mama. My results:

Your Existing Situation
Readily participates in things affording excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.

Oh yahuh... a little too much of that lately to the point where I'm scaring myself just a little

Your Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and of separation from others. Believes that life still has far more to offer and that she may miss her share of experiences if she fails to make the best use of every opportunity. She therefore pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity and commits herself deeply and readily. Feels herself to be completely competent in any field in which she engages, and can sometimes be considered by others to be interfering or meddlesome.

Oh fuck yeah is an understatement, more things I feel so fiercely at the moment.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.
Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.
Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in her sex life.

Now we're just getting scary, spot on. That first bit is just killing me. I am being restrained by circumstances that are beyond my control and I feel so trapped at the moment and there is absolutely nothing I can do. I can't move forward or sideways, just in a holding pattern until circumstances change and they can only change for the worse before it will get better. And I'm not really sure I wish any of that to actually happen despite the fact that I know it will. I wish I could talk more openly about it but I just can't. Cryptic huh.

Your Desired Objective
Desires a tranquil, peaceful state of harmony offering quiet contentment and a sense of belonging.

100% correct but then again doesn't everyone. That's the one thing I really want in my life, not to be happy but to be content. I don't think I can ever be truely 100% happy so I want to at least be content instead. And belonging... I've always been on the outside so it would be nice to have someone else there with me so that we can belong together.

Your Actual Problem
Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling her to free herself of the worry that she may be prevented from achieving all the things she wants

heheh one of my biggest fears, not being able to fit all of the things I want to do into my life. There is so much I want to do and I just don't know where to start.

Your Actual Problem #2
Does not wish to be involved in differences of opinion, contention or argument, preferring to be left in peace

I think this is also something that everyone looks for in their lives.

And to repeat the words of WLFG, "how in Zeus' butthole do you come up with all this from picking out a bunch of colour tiles??"

It's just not even funny. It's probably some randomly generated comments boxes thing but how does it pinpoint all the things going on with me at the moment... interesting and thought provoking.