no words to say, no words to convey

Oh mate it's been a looong week. This week I've wanted to just run away from everything and join the circus. I'm not really sure why I've been so sensitive to every single little thing that's going on in my life right now but I just haven't been able to cope with anything this week. To start from the top:

You'll notice that it's February. And I haven't moved to Melbourne. On Wednesday when that thought struck me I kinda shrugged my shoulders and thought "meh whatever". Then Thursday struck. Thursday afternoon I was this far away from quitting my job. I came home crying from sheer frustration and irritation. I hopped on the net and applied for 6 jobs in melbourne. I was ready to go. In a way I think it's for the wrong reasons. I want to go because I'm so sick of everything that's going on with my job - just the same old shit that never changes. But at the same time there are big changes ahead over the next 4 months and it could mean really big things for me. But at the same time I couldn't be bothered with all of the crap that's going to come along with it. Apart from all the crap we've got a new girl in for 5 months and she's driving me crazy already.

I want to go because the situation with R is getting really hard to take. I can't write about it because he's asked me not to but at the same time I think bugger you buddy, you're not going to know. Pity I'm a woman of my word. But don't get me wrong, nothing untoward.

I'm so sick of being single. Everything I do lately reminds me of my singleton status. I should be rejoicing in my fabulous freeness and all I wish for is for is entanglements. Someone tries to break into my car, feel incredibly lonely. Get email from friend who has found excellent most fantabulous guy, feel incredibly lonely. Have a fight with the body corporate, feel incredibly lonely. Stoopid tap is leaking and I don't know how to fix it, feel incredibly lonely. Read fantabulous blog of fantastic girl who has found soul mate, feel incredibly lonely. Watch the return of Lost, feel incredibly lonely. Workmates organise couples dinner, feel incredibly lonely. Newly married friend mentions the word husband fiftyzillion times, feel incredibly lonely. Watch chickflick, feel incredibly lonely, cry. You can't die of loneliness can you?? right?? what am I doing wrong dammit.

I know that in the grand scheme of things my life is pretty good but I want more. I need more. Is that selfish? I just want to shake things up and start afresh instead of feeling like I'm stuck here stagnating. Well I'll guess we'll see if anything eventuates from my job applications eh. Never know what the universe has planned.