PHEW! well sorta anyway

Thank you Universe! talk about a wake up call, trust me I'm wide awake and don't think I'll ever be asleep again! My lung x-ray results have come up clear. Well sort of anyway. My doctor isn't in until Wednesday and I pestered the receptionist to peek at the results and tell me what they were like because I've already had to wait all weekend and if I have to wait any longer I was going to bust. She said that there was nothing serious on there so I don't really know what the go is yet. I've got an appointment on Wednesday afternoon so I should know then. Actually had to take some Neurofen today because it was killing me!

One interesting aside through all of this is that I've discovered that I'm a big sigher. I sigh a lot for some reason, whether it's sighing or just taking deep breaths a lot I don't know. Weird huh.

But I'm SO relieved. While I was thinking positively during the day I couldn't help thinking about what if I were to die in 6 months and things like that during the wee hours of the night. It's a really scary thought, obviously, and it has been quite life and thought pattern changing. In a way I'm thankful as I did dedicate this year to me and this has just strengthened my resolve.

I was talking with Sisa today and we were talking about the lessons behind life's little situations. We both believe that things happen for a reason and that most situations have lessons behind them. Apart from strengthening my resolve, the fear of dying has made me appreciate everything more than I already do. I'm already quite happy and I'm quite pleased that if I were to die that there's only the Georgie situation to clear up for me to die at peace (apart from the marriage and babies thing but that's not as fixable just yet). I don't think a lot of people could say that. But I'm happy I have no real regrets and the one I do have I can possibly fix. (still no response to my letter by the way - if I don't get a response or my letter back this week I'm booked in at the Electoral office to view the electoral roll so hopefully I can find her or her dad).

Getting back to the lessons, strange as it sounds but I think that my fatness is part of a lesson in committing to myself. I do everything for everyone else but I never keep promises to myself and don't really follow through on things for me. At the time I think Oh it doesn't matter it's only me but I think that deep down it does matter. My commitment to myself is to commit to losing weight. To knuckle down and do it and persist. As a good friend of mine says to me often "Persistance overcomes resistance" although he means it in an entirely different manner which we won't go into now. But it's true. I need to persist and commit time and effort to my cause because I have a belief that I'll be happier when I'm thinner. Now whether this is true or not we shall see but I know that at least I'll be healthier and that's the most important thing.

My Dad always says that nothing is more important than your health and I've always yeah yeahed him but now I think I really understand what he means and I'll be Amen, hallelujahing and waving my lighter in the air at him instead. My new catchphrase is "could be dying of lung cancer" as in too tired to exercise? well could be dying of lung cancer and all of a sudden I find a burst of energy :) Funny that.

Anyhoo I think I'll be sleeping very well tonight, and when it's not hurting so much I'll be breathing deep sighs of relief ;} Hope you're all doing well out there in blogland, I really do.