Death sentence

Well I had a really good chat with my vet today and am feeling a bit better - don't feel like I'm going to start boohooing at the drop of a hat at least. Luckily I'm blessed with an extremely good vet, Fiona, who is very understanding and patient. The urinalysis has come back and is showing that my beast is in the middle stages of kidney disease and isn't in Chronic Renal Failure (CRF) but Renal Insufficiency (RI). He's now on a special low protien, low phosphorus diet. He had his first meal of it tonight and he seems to like it so we'll see how it goes. Unfortunately it means none of his favourite dried liver or dried sprat treats which I think hurts me more than him as I love how berko he goes for his treaties, spins round and round in circles til I give it to him.

So I've got a lot of reading to do as I want to know everything about it and of course I asked her the dreaded question "how long does he have?" Basically it can be anywhere between 6 months to 18 months, maybe more. He needs to be retested every 3-6 months to track how he's going. But ultimately there's going to come a day when he's going to start to decline and when that day comes I'm going to have to make a hard decision. It's going to be really difficult not to think about that now that I know the timeframe. I think I'm going to have to put it all in the back of my mind until that time because once I start thinking about the little things I just work myself up into a proper howling fit. And if I don't I'm just not going to be able to cope until that time. Let just say that he's going to be one smooched on beast until that time.

Unfortunately this changes all of my plans to move as it's best not to stress him out as that can send his levels through the roof and progress it all. Then again I couldn't make a decision either way so perhaps it's the universe working in it's mysterious ways again. Anyway everything is on hold until he goes and I spose after that I'm going to want a change because I can't bear the thought of being here in this house without him.

It's funny how this year is turning out. The major message seems to be don't take things for granted and be thankful for what you have because you might not have them for long. I think I need to actively start counting my blessings on a daily basis and I'm going to start a paper diary and list things every night. But take a leaf folks, hug your friends and family and smooch your pets like there's no tomorrow.

* today's pic looks kinda random but it was one of the results when I googled 'death sentence' , I'm not really sure what it means religiously but I liked the tragedy of it - The Martyrdom of St. Mathew', by Caravaggio, ca.1599, Contarelli Chapel, San Luigi dei Francesi, Rome.