Damn you full moon...

Well first week back at work last week and I don't think I can remember a more hellish week in my many years with this company. Words don't even come close to be able to describe how bad. And considering how this week is looking you may very well get another bitching and moaning post from me before too long. Good thing I submitted another job application yesterday. Tis a good one so I really, really, REALLY hope I get it. I just need to get the fark out of my job. I've really had enough and it's time to move on. So I'll let you know how it turns out. No doubt I'll be freaking so you'll definately hear about it. Can't remember if I told you bout the other one (with the mondo bizarro selection criteria) but they decided not to proceed with the selection. Not surprising considering our recent change of government but annoying because that would have been a goodie too. Oh well was a good experience to do the weird SC.

I dunno whether I'm working myself up about my upcoming adventure but I can't stop thinking about Benji. Have you ever wanted something so bad it just drives you crazy? I can see everything sooo clearly, just got to work out how I can make it so. I really can't wait to go, if it wasn't for Easter coming round early this year I would be leaving earlier but oh well... patience...

I've already started writing my lists of stuff I need to pack, stuff I need to buy blah blah. Have I mentioned how much I love to travel? Guess I'm a bit weird like that in that I like airports and waiting around only because I get time on my hands. Time to think, time to write, time to read, time to listen to music I love, time to watch the people that are walking around. The only thing I'm not so fond of is turbulence on planes but that's a control thing for me. Because I'm not in control of the plane it freaks me out bigtime. You'd think that I'd be able to let go because I don't have control but no... takes me a lot of meditation and self talk to keep myself calm. Silly really because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Just have to get very internal and really focus on being calm and letting go. Helps if I have a book and some music to help distract myself as well ;}

But anyway I'm excited. Scared and excited. I dunno what is going to happen with Benji, I'm hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst. I just need him to see sense and trust me that I know what's good for him and that's me ;}. One thing I'm stuck on (and to give you an indication of how much I over think things) and that's if things do work out and say dream comes true and he realises he's madly in love with me and wants to be with me... what then? He's still waaaay over there and I'm still here. Two options, he cuts his time short and gets his sweet butt back home or b) I go over there. At this particular junction in time I am MORE than happy to go over there. The only thing holding me here is my cat and my family and both of which are sort of fixable. The cat not so much because I would be eternally woeful if I left him here (probably with my brother) and he died while I was over there. I don't know if I could wait for him to die before going to be with Benji because there is no firm timeline. That sounds bad but I'm sure you get what I mean. I couldn't take him with me because the stress would probably kill him. So yeah... overthinking huh...

So anyway in the grand scheme of things I just need to be patient and wait to see what happens and just accept it either way. I'm taking a crazy leap of faith and just have to trust that the Universe will be there to catch me.

My toe is feeling a bit better but it looks like they haven't set it properly so it's still a little twisted but like hell I'm going to go back so that they can rebreak it and reset it (probably without painkillers again owowowow). I can do without that inconvenience so I'm just gonna have a wonky toe. Might take a picture to share with you if I get around to it. Been having a bit of fun with it now that I'm back at work... People I haven't seen in a while have asked "how was your break" (meaning Xmas and New years holiday break) and I've said sore har har. Then they'll ask me how I did it so I tell them that this guy was giving me shit about my work so I started kicking and punching him and broke my toe on his head. I've had some people actually believe me for half a second before I've told them the real story. Gotta get my laffs where I can dammit ;}