Recipe for lemonade?

It's been a pretty rotten week and a bit. Apart from a weekus horribilis at work, one of the worst ever, I've found out that one of my dearest and oldest friends has found out that a rogue cell from the breast cancer she thought she had beaten has spread to her liver, lungs, hip and brain and probably has 6-12 months to live. Extremely hard to deal with and I'm not sure if I know how to. Cue the days of our lives music... Found out that while on a month long holiday visiting her African lover and father of her third child that my best friend got married to said lover (who isn't allowed to return to Oz for another year because he overstayed his visa and got deported) and is now pregnant with her fourth child. On the selfish side I've found out that both plan A and plan B for New Years Eve have gone down the toilet and that I will be alone for the evening. I couldn't think of anything more pathetic. Wheeeeeee. And the universe is testing me about my old habit. I'm being confronted with it in a few subtle ways and having a week like that has almost tempted me. But I'm staying strong.

And having read some inspiring posts from two of my favourite people in the blogosphere I'm building a bridge and soldiering on. I know I can be prone to attacks of the woe is me's and it is something that I'm trying to work on but a couple of things have stuck with me and has lead to more questions.

Firstly some words of wisdom from WLFG or rather her lecturer Professor Moira Banks "You get as much out of life as you put into it." Now I've heard a version of this little adage from my dad applied in a school work/project sense. When you put it in life context, woah. Very good point. But it leads me to a question. How do I put more into my life so that I can get more out of it? I want more out of life, a whole lot more. But what do I do to put more into it? Maybe the question should be what do I put in my life to get a whole lot more out of it...?

And from Lance's friend ChristiniMartini there is the line "Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin." Oh uhuh, I'm afraid alright. I'm sick of feeling like I'm waiting for it to begin but don't know how to change that. I don't know what I'm waiting for and I don't know how to start it already. With every day that passes I almost feel panicked that it's slipped past again. I think I'm stuck in a rut and don't know how to get out of it. Every day feels like wake up, go to work, come home with nothing in between. Perhaps that's what I need to do to get more out of life. Insert something in between that monotony?

That's the thing that shits me, I want to change, I want things to change and I'm welcoming change but I don't know what it is that I need to do to change. Guess that's where my Melbourne escape plan comes in. Radical change. But is that really what I want and need or is it just running away from what I have here? I don't even know where I can find answers to all of this. Everyone that I talk to have differing points of view and that's great but ultimately I'm the one that needs to come up with the answers I need. And I don't know how to do that. Maybe I need to put a Magic 8 ball on my Christmas list?

In the grand scheme of things I appreciate the small things and I do believe that the universe sends you the information you need when you need it. I think that what I need to do is to work out what I need to be happy and then make it happen. Gotta think on that and break it down and I think that'll be the theme for the next post. But in the meantime any words of advice or the answers to the meaning of life are greatly appreciated :)

again with the bitching and moaning today, sorry bout that... But to count a few good things before you go, Black Books is on tonight - fuggin hilarious and I need a good laugh today, cinnamon Eclipse, I've finally reached my new coloured feedback star on eBay and tomorrow is a new day.