food glorious fooooood

What a week, well more like what a fortnight. I'm going to try and not make this a woe is me post but I'll apologise in advance if it gets that way.

Let me start with some lessons on food. With this whole "eating plan" thing I've learnt some really interesting things. Firstly that I do actually have will power. And not only that but iron clad will power. I have been so strict about sticking to my eating plan that I've really surprised myself that I've been so good. Don't get me wrong, I'd just about murder for a packet of salt and vinegar chips (or bacon and sour cream) and a very large vodka and lemonade but I'm good. I don't need it.

A friend of mine told me yesterday that if I change the way the world sees me then I change the way I see myself. I think that I've already taken the first step in my 1000 step journey and already it seems true. I know I'm feeling better about myself even with a 10kg loss so just imagine the me in another couple of months. I'm going to be absolutely killer! watch out world!

The second thing I've learnt is how much I used to use food and alcohol for comfort. I knew that I did it before I started but to actually recognise that urge and not obey the compulsion when I've been upset or feeling like crap has been interesting. It's also forced me to try and pull myself out of it mentally rather than stuffing handfuls of chips down my throat. I'm not sure if I've managed to master that aspect as I don't really have any answers for when I do feel like shite (well maybe shopping) but it makes me think that I'm reward driven, that I need something tangible to make myself feel better rather than dealing with whatever issue and trying to rationalise it. It's a bit hard with emotions as I don't think I've learnt how not to feel a certain way. I'm feeling pretty crappy at the moment but think that's more stress related.

It's funny how things happen in cycles. I don't know if it's just me or if it's work but everytime I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel it turns out to be the train. I'm pretty much over my job and if it weren't for the cat I'd be moving asap. I'm half tempted to just go and see what happens with M'Lord. I don't know if I can wait for him to cark it before moving, I just don't know if I can put up with this shit for that long. That's how over it I am.... Normally I'm pretty good at grinning and bearing it and keep on keeping on but it's just wearing me down. I was thinking that maybe I could find another job here but I just don't want to do that. If I'm going to change jobs I want the total change. Dumb huh? *sigh*

Oh well, another day another dollar - back to keeping my chin up!