Starry, starry night....

Had an interesting horoscope this month and boy oh boy has it resonated:

"There is a time and place for everything. You, as a Scorpio, should know that better than anyone. You should also know that if you wait patiently, the right time will come along and you'll find yourself in the right place. A law of nature is that everything changes. Every situation. Every plan. So avoid the assumption that your dreams are never going to be fulfilled. What once seemed wildly impossible is now fully feasible. Don't question an opportunity, act on it."

Woah.

Reading you loud and clear Universe - quit your bitching and be patient, trust. Got it! It's funny because one of my 'mantras' is 'I'm always in the right place at the right time'. I've been carrying the horoscope around in my wallet so I can read it often. As you know I lose my way a lot and need to be reminded frequently.

It's really appropriate at the moment for so many reasons. In particular the whole Benji thing. Since he announced his intention to go to Abu Dhabi my friends have been saying that I should declare my undying love. I agree with that of course and I'd regret it if he left and I didn't talk to him about it but I just don't feel like it's the right time right now. That coupled with the fact that I have no idea how to tell him leads me to the conclusion that when it is the right time then the right opportunity will present itself and the right words will just come.

Part of it is me not liking myself. How can I expect him to love me if I don't? Don't get me wrong, I like me on the inside [well parts anyway] but the outside makes me cringe. I still can't accept myself in the way that I look right now. It's just not 'me'. So time to do something about it, instead of whinging. Part 1 of my master plan is about to come into fruition. My eliptical trainer has finally arrived so it's crunch time. Part 1 is about being healthy, my body is my temple and my place of worship. I'm realising this more and more. Healthy eating, exercise, meditation and a lot more appreciation for me. I think that once I like myself a whole lot more I'll stop keeping people at arms length. I'm slowly healing the hurt of past relationships which is another factor. It makes a big difference and I feel a lot better for it. I still don't know how to forgive and forget but I'm moving past the impact that it had made in my life. I'm moving on.


Since I put on the fat suit on and started keeping people away from me and out of my life I've missed out on a lot of things. I've felt so ashamed of myself and the way that I've looked that I've felt bad enough to hide myself away. Case in point, the recent reunion of my ex's band. I knew that the old gang would be there. The gang from 10 years ago when I was a whole lot thinner and... different. I know that it shouldn't have made a difference but that it does, to me. I feel so embarassed and uncomfortable about the way that I look and that I've let it get so out of hand that I couldn't even go there and see all the old friends for fear of the thought of "geez she's let herself go" or words to that effect to even cross their minds. So it's time for action stations. Time to change that and to change me. And I'm committed to doing it. When I had my haircut last week I saw my hairdresser who had lost 30kgs and looked fabulous. What an inspiration. And more importantly I have a plan and a future vision which is part of the key for staying on track. It will happen and of course I'll keep you posted. How could I not?

Thanks for reading and for being there.