tiiiiiiiiime is on my side... yes it is....

Long time no postage!

Been sick as a dog for the last week and a half so I'm still recovering. Lost 5 kilos - yay for throwing up ;}. Lolling around in bed all day gives one a lot of time for thinking, while they may be slightly febrile thoughts it's still a hellava lot of thinking time.

Coupla things - moving to Melbourne is back on the agenda. Scary! But it's something that I've wanted to do for the last 4 years or so and I've been making excuses not to and yearning to go at the same time. I have two main reasons for not going, they are my mum and her ill health and my family.

My mum has a brain tumour, she's had it for a couple of years and it is benign but there's all sorts of funky side effects, one of them being completely deaf, and I worry about her a lot. Like A LOT, a lot. She's also now got cataracts but they're being operated on in the next 3 months. I know I'm not responsible for her and her well being but I would feel so guilty if I left and something happened and I wasn't there for her. I've spoken to her about it and she's told me to go and not to let her hold me back and I agree but I can't help feeling guilty at the same time. But I'm trying to build a bridge on that one [and get over it]. Part of that bridge building is realising that ultimately I'm only a couple hours a way by plane and I will always make sure I have a plane fare in the savings account so if something does happen I'm so there.

And my family... that's a real toughie. My family is me, my bro, my Ma and Dad. That's basically it. We all live in the same town and we're very close because we're all we have. I could write a book about the past and the complicating factors but I'm going to leave it for now. A lot of the time I feel like I'm the gum in the family because if I don't organise things they don't happen. My parents have split but they're still good friends and we get together for all the holidays and birthdays n stuff but I'm usually the gum that sticks us together. I don't know what will happen if I go. And again, I know I'm not responsible for that but at the same time I don't want to be apart from them, I'm going to miss them like crazy. My brother especially. He's my idol and one of the best human beings on the whole planet. I do actually have rellies in Melbourne, my aunty and cousins live there but I haven't spoken to them in a zillion years so it would be nice to reconnect... maybe.

Everything else is kinda insignificant. I have a few friends there and I'm the sort of person who makes friends easily so I'm not worried about that. I'll miss the friends I have here but there's always email and phone and visits n whatnot. My closest 2 friends I mostly talk to on the phone anyway - one lives in Sydney and the other is here so in a way there's no difference. And if I really hate it all I can always come back. [see! not talking myself out of it *gasp*]

So at the moment the plan is to move in Feb 2007 pending a good job on the horizon. I don't want to leave now despite seeing a REALLY good job working for the Vic Dept of Forensics which would have been really fascinating but it's my bro's birthday next week, my birthday in a month, Xmas after that and NYE after that [not that that's a family event but y'know]. So Feb is the plan. Woah, scary seeing all that in print, out loud instead of just in my head. There's a whole lot of logistics that worry me too - do I rent or buy, moving aaallll my stuff and my car, moving the Beast and how he's going to cope with the move [there's always cat valium heehee], money to finance all the moving stuff, finishing off the kitchen reno, finding a real estate agent to rent out my house. I've still got a coupla months to think about all that which is good. Need time to plan.

More febrile bed musings later on, am hungry, must have foood.

And yes Lance I do believe I'll accept that definition as the word. It's not exactly it but it's pretty darn close! Poem to be posted on the Fridge Poetry site by the end of the week. Thanks heaps!!