stating the bleedin obvious

I don't know if you've noticed but I have this little tendency to overthink things... well of course I've been thinking about this Benji thing and I've come up with 8 possible outcomes. One of which being the optimal with one second best. The rest are undesirable. And the optimal to me is probably not what you think. There are two main courses of action:

Option 1 - Do nothing, say nothing
1) stay friends and still never know and have to move on (aka stop being a pathetic loser)
2) he starts something of his own accord
2a) could be the start of something great
2b) could be the start of something ambiguous
2c) go home and it's the end

Option 2 - say something/do something
3) something happens
3a) could be the start of something great
3b) could be the start of something ambiguous
3c) go home and it's the end
4) get knocked back

That's pretty shite odds 1 in 8... I should maybe have prefaced all of this with the fact that he does not know how I feel about him. Well at least I'm pretty sure he doesn't. That's debatable by some but I'm pretty sure he doesn't suspect anything because I've made sure of that. Which makes all of this all the more psycho in my mind... and more complex because I haven't decided what I want to do about it when I get there. My aim is to just go and have fun and gauge along the way but my worst nightmare is to go there and come away from this still being in the dark. The sanest thing would be to just walk away and build a bridge... but if you knew this man.... wowsers. And I guess that's why I'm doing this. I can't let him be the one that got away. Not that he's mine in the first place but... I don't know. Any way I look at it it feels stalkerish and that's just not my intention. So on the surface it's me traveling to visit a friend with a hidden secret agenda that may or may not happen.

*sigh* yep it's been another long day and I'm tired and going round in circles... again.