So howz it goin?

Cuz I'm feeling crap and low tonight. Not that tonight is different than any other night after 'the great revelation' and while I wish that was greater than it sounds it's really only the realisation that I haven't had a serious relationship in 10 years. And you'll excuse me as I say 10 fucking years because that's what it is in my head. As in 10 FUCKING YEARS. I've had little flings here and there but in terms of "committed relationships", you know, relationships from the heart, and even then, what I thought was a relationship was a farce so it's probably more than that but I'm already depressed so let's not go there right now OK?

It's all been weighing on my mind lately, it's something that bugs me constantly. A friend of mine put it so eloquently today "one may have a blazing hearth in ones soul and yet no one comes to sit by it" I KNOW I'm a 'catch' and yet no one can see this book for it's cover. What am I sposed to do about that? I know most guys don't look beneath the cover first. I've been asking all of my friends that and they don't seem to be able to come up with any suggestions that I haven't already tried. So what am I sposed to do? Really? Because I for one am out of ideas. Completely.

So I'm open to suggestions dear reader if you're out there. If not, it's just BAU :)

Hmmmmmm

So I slave away all day, stressed out by morons and incompetents who don't do the job that they're paid to do and then have the nerve to also whinge about the job that they're paid to do. I work long hours, deal with daily frustrations which just happen to be the same frustrations I've dealt with before in that endless cycle of purgatory because the organisation can't seem to learn lessons, move forward or get out of the rut of "the way things are done". I deal with a whole lot of crap and am still thankful that I have this hellish job and the money it gives me.

I work in a job that doesn't interest or excite me in any way and which I drag my ass out of my comfortable bed for. I do all of this just so that I get my weekly pay packet and can afford to live and pay my bills. I do this so that I can buy things that I don't necessarily need or want but have the privilege to buy so I do. Things that I will look at once and then forget and not appreciate them. Things that I will lust after but mean nothing in the grand scheme of things and are essentially worthless despite their price tag. All of this nonsense for what? WTF?

Sometimes life doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

File this under "things you don't want to know about your co-workers"

Now let me just preface this by saying that I already have toilet issues ie I usually get stage fright if there is anyone else within earshot so if I know someone could be listening nothing's happenin. 6 months ago I moved offices and where I am in my building I can either go to a 3 stall loo or a 2 stall loo (or if I really want to trek there is my fave 1 stall loo waaaay down the other end of the building). So I've been trying to overcome my "issues" and have a few strategies in place but I'm still finding it hard to deal with a) hearing grunts and sighs of people shitting in the stalls next to me b) having anyone sitting in the stall directly next to me because unfortunately for me I have an extremely vivid imagination so there might as well not be any sort of partition next to me as I can see the person and what they're doing all too well and c) toilet acknowledgment - ie the nod or "hi" that is required when you're washing your hands or walking out or whatever when someone you know is walking in. All too intimate for me... anyway...

All of that (and more) aside... one thing that I'm not coping with too well is the, now, intimate knowledge of my co-workers, the people I have to deal with and sit with on a daily basis's personal hygiene. This is something I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW. So when I walk into the 3 stall loo the other day and there is someone in stall 1 I promptly take stall 3 to keep that buffer between us and try and do my thing. Stall1gal flushes and walks out to the sink and swishes the water on for 2 seconds then grabs some paper towels.... I'm thinking a two second token turning on of the tap does not equate to washing ones hands. Not that I'm a germaphobe or anything like that but I do believe in washing hands after toileting. So as not to get, as my friend calls it "doodle fingers" when she is talking to her small son about washing his hands. So I'm a lil grossed out and and finish my bidness and walk out hoping this person has left as it's already been a significant time and they should have left already but no... there stands my big boss. eeeuuuuwwwwwwwwwwww. Now I'm just grossed out AND she starts to talk to me about work stuff while I'm washing my hands, with soap, while she's just chat chatting away... I didn't say anything but was tempted.... I mean eeuuuwwwww I can't look at her the same way and I'm damn well not touching anything she has.

My previously mentioned fave 1 stall loo on the other side of the building is actually a unisex loo which has also come with similar unsavoury stories as the above as in I've been walking past, heard a flush then the door has immediately opened and people I know have walked out... flushing and walking out = no hand washing which = doodle fingers (and they've been guys so they really do have doodle fingers) = eeuuw you gross bastards.

Not fucking hard to wash your hands... gross.

And now that I've severely grossed myself out with that, I'm not going to tell you more stories which could be filed under "waaay too much information" because no doubt once I've overcome the nausea I'll tell you them too. yeech