The Torments of a Single Girl

Mental anguish, torture and pent up horny feelings... oh my!

Monday, February 25, 2008

The story of my life....

Why, why, WHY do I do this to myself? Have I or have I not been bitching and moaning about how crap my job is for the last however long and now that I have an interview for a job somewhere else I'm toying with the idea of staying put. Mainly because the course I did last week has actually made me excited about my work again. Is it self sabotage? Comfortzone-itis? Fear of the unknown? Fuck I don't know but I'm driving myself nuts with the to-ing and fro-ing. Really fuckin annoying! Guess I probably have to actually get the other job before I start thinking about it all but... I'm one for thinking ahead. And I know I'll get it. Just know it. AAARRGGHHH!!! Just wish I knew what the answer is. *sigh*

On the plus side I got an email from Benji this morning telling me I can sleep in his room and he will sleep on the couch... I'm going to leave it there because I know you know what I'm thinking. But I'm not going to let him do that, I'm happy to sleep on the couch as it would just be too... too pleasurably perverse for me to sleep in his bed.

I dunno if it's the pending full moon but everything seems to be happening at once again. Hate that manic cycle...

Oh and I can't count... it's not 30 days to go from last post... It's 31 days to go as of today, can you say keen? ;}

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Holy crap!

When things start to move, they start to move! Worked out that I've got 30 days til I leave, how does that work? I was pretty sure that it was 5-6 weeks away but all of a sudden it's 30 days. Can't wait to travel and scarily enough I'm really looking forward to the actual travel part of it, hanging round in airports etc. I'm sure I'll get over that pretty quickly ;} I keep swinging between being really excited and wondering what the hell I'm doing. Excited about the trip and all the fun things I've got planned but apprehensive about the Benji side of things. BUT I'm manifesting a positive outcome. I've locked it in with the Universe and there's that little part of me that's telling me I'm doing the right thing. I trust my gut instinct as it usually proves me right and deep down I know that I'm doing the right thing. I just need to trust. But wowsers, scary! It's a big leap but I'm a-leapin, I'm a-leapin!

This week I've been on a 3 day course that I've wanted to do for a long time. It's a bit of a certification stepping stone to other things and I'm finding it a lot easier than I thought I would. Not only is it an interesting course but the presenter is pretty interesting as well, she's studying quantum physics in her spare time and a lot of what she was saying sounds like The Secret. But it's put me in a certain frame of mind with the whole Benji thing so I'm focusing on manifesting a positive outcome rather than a negative. No sense in self sabotaging!

And then... I got a request for interview for that job I applied for! Next Thursday's the big day... not quite sure what to think yet as I'm too tired and my brain isn't working for it all to sink in yet. I'm nervous and excited at the same time (can you see a trend?). Interesting timing if it does come to fruition as times they are a-changing... There's just so much going on in my head it's hard to articulate it all without rambling on too much. And besides, Lost is about to start and I need my long awaited Sawyer fix.... mmmmm Sawyer....

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Monday, February 18, 2008

It's a plan stan...

Well things are slowly coming together, have got my travel insurance, have booked and paid for my travel which scares and excites me at the same time. It's really real now, no turning back. I just don't know how this thing with Benji is going to play out. I'm expecting the best but preparing for the worst. Things I still need to do:
  1. Renew my passport or else I'm screwed.
  2. Find out whether makeup facial wipe thingos are considered liquid for this weirdo carry-on liquid rule because I can't seem to find any packets that are under 100ml... wonder if I can put some in a zip lock bag...
  3. Find out whether Canadian pancakes are really Canadian. Canadian pancakes here are pancakes with bacon and maple syrup. My #1 favourite and if they're just pretendy Canadian I'm going to be really upset because I want some genuwine Canadian pancakes when I'm there.
  4. Stop reading the book I've bought to read while traveling on my trip otherwise I'm going to run out of good book choices. Currently reading The Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko so good thing it's a tetrology.
  5. Stop making lists of things to pack, things to see/do when at destination xyz and things to buy for my trip.
  6. Must remember not to pack too much, must remember not to pack too much, must remember not to pack too much.
  7. Try not to obsessively run scenarios in my head about how the first part of my trip is going to play out and just let it happen how it happens.

So much to do, so little time ;}

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

si que what?

Wowsers have I had two blasts from the past today... back on my old blog, back in Jan 2006 I talked about a serious hottie McHothot named JDub who wrote me this unexpected email after he had left the organisation. I wrote back to him but he never replied after that and out of sight, out of mind. Today... two years later he writes back to my original reply and says "Hi, sorry it's taken so long to reply - how's it all goin?" whaaaaaa? that's the longest EVER time taken to reply to an email... two whole years.... hehehe and naturally I've written back because he was seriously WOAH. It's funny because the first time I saw him that was my reaction... "woah who's that?!!" actually that was my first reaction with Benji too... so tis a measure of his hotness. So I'll be expecting a reply in another two years ;}

AND yesterday I got an email from my first ever internet friend. Bout 10 years ago, before I had my very own 'puter and internet connection, I used to go to the library and book in for an hours free internet chat and he was the first guy I ever spoke to in a chat room. We chatted every day and eventually chatted on the phone waaay too much, each of us racking up mondo phone bills. Then for reasons I won't explain we had to stop chatting and lost touch. Today I got an email from him for StumbleUpon which sends an email to everyone in your contacts list when you sign up so we've reconnected and I'll probably catch up with him when I'm in the states. He's changed heaps, hell he's 10 years older (and he has the best birth date "two for 69" 2/4/1969... which doesn't work in australian as here it's 4/2/69 but anyway) and seems older and wiser.

So interesting Vday today... really wanted something from my Benji but that's worth waiting a lifetime for... This time next year I'll be boring you with sappy sap, mark my words.

And pilfered this while combing my old blog: http://www.redhotscott.co.uk/shoppinglists/

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Monday, February 11, 2008

OH.MY.GOD.

I'm actually going.... my trip to Abu Dhabi and Canada... yep it's now a reality. Can you say scared out of my mind?? Finally got a reply to my email and he said yep come on over. Holycrapamoley..... I'd been gearing myself up for Plan B spend two weeks in Melbourne and as of this morning it's gungho with Plan A. I'm actually going!!!

Clearly I haven't been able to concentrate all day trying to get my tiny brain around the fact that not only am I going but I'm going to be staying with him for at least 72 glorious hours... AND not only that but he's coming back to town shortly thereafter for a month to go to 2 weddings. Needless to say my brain feels like it's going to explode. Need to get organised, renew my passport, work out what the hell I'm going to pack blah de blah de blah...

I'm so excited and so scared at the same time. I just dunno what is going to happen so I need to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. But at least I'm actually getting to make this leap of faith and have a whole lot of fun traveling while I'm at it. Man oh man... I can see I'm going to be a total fruitloop for the next six weeks...

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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

the stars are aligned

My horoscope for this week:

A change of residence or around family members is indicated for many Scorps in association with the solar eclipse of Feb 7, which may be associated with a new career path. The changes being made are for the best and bring many benefits with them. Travel or better education may be part of the deal.


Apart from the bad engrish I'm hoping it means that I get a call on Thursday asking me to come in for an interview for the job I applied for last monday. Funny but it's in the travel sector. Please mean that... please.

I'm so unsatisfied with just about everything in my life. I'm annoyingly restless and can't keep my mind on anything. I have a feeling that I won't be traveling overseas as planned, haven't heard from Benji or anyone else I want to catch up with so it looks like Plan B - spend 2 weeks in Melbourne. Really, really, really can't stand work at the moment (words don't even come close), my friends are being shallow, I'm stoopidly in love with a man who doesn't know I exist, I can't work out what I'm doing with my life and the list goes on... the only thing I am happy with is my weight. 3 kilos away from my goal and the end to this madness is in sight. Although I did have a major chocolate binge on the weekend in the pit of my despair and before you gimme the lecture about undoing all my hard work, I know I know... bite me.

I'm annoyed at being annoyed, I seem to go round and round in circles with this dissatisfaction thing and I'm just not coming up with the answer. I think one of the main things that has come to light for me in the last month is that I need to get away from my current employment. It's overtaking my life in that I can't sleep, I'm drafting emails and thinking of the things I didn't manage to get to at 3am in the morning, I'm frustrated all day because I can't get to the things I need to or get to do the work I want to not to mention the stoopid politicking and inconsequential bollocks I have to put up with on a daily basis. I think that if I had a job that is actually 9-5 and not 8-7 and all absorbing, all superstressing that I could find a modicum of a life. That combined with being in a new environment with new people and new challenges I think it would refresh me a little. The main thing I want is a job that I can leave at work when I step out the door and drive home. *sigh* I'm bitching again... sorry... do you want some cheese and crackers with that whine?

So finding a job is at least step one... So bring it on solar eclipse... please... before I do something that I'll regret like resign before having a job to go to... because I've been close in the last fortnight...

And oh joy of joys, V day is round the corner.

OK

enough whinging... off to exfoliate my legs ;}

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