I will be a murderer - how am I supposed to kill you?

yeah yeah I know, two posts in one month, what's going on eh?

but I'm just wondering how I can commit murder/death/kill?

Let me equate this to human terms. Say you've had a flat mate for 8 years. Now this flat mate has been pretty easy going, pretty darn cool listening to all your bullshit, being loving when he's had to, hung out when you've been low, being awesome with your friends. The occasional toilet dispute ie he's left the toilet seat up and has accidentally left a calling card but other than that he's been fantastic. Super accommodating of your faults, really loving, even pining when you've been away.

You tell me how you can look that person in the eye and kill them, make them dead, make them so that you'll never ever speak to them again, Ever. Never kiss them, hug them, speak to them again. How do you do that?

This this the problem that I'm struggling with at the moment. How do I kill my best friend in the world, the only person who's been there for me, the only one who's ever understood. How do I look him in the eye and say "that's enough for you"?

Fair enough he's got kidney disease and as far as I can tell is not doing the best, but still the same old spritely self but at the same time is not the same. How do I even make that decision? With Jack it wasn't even a question because things had dragged on for 9 months to the point where the decision was made for me but with M'Lord... how do I schedule a date for death? I know it's for his own good and all that but it doesn't make it any easier.

I keep taking photos of him and videos of him as if I'll never remember enough. The small looks and snuggles. As if the moment alone is going to fade and I'm not going to remember it. Oh boy am I struggling with this and I don't want to go the same way I did with Jack which was me hanging on to him for me - not looking at what was best for him.

I'm just wondering how I can turn myself into a willing murderer and be happy with the decision?

How am I sposed to kill him?





how?

Melbourne I love you

I'm spending a whole glorious week in Melbourne as of next week. Words cannot even begin to describe how excited I am. Not only am I catching up with super friends but I'm having two "sorta" job interviews. Can you say "I want to move to Melbourne?". Either way I'm happy just to be there so I don't really give a shit either way.

One of my good friends has made me a stencil hunt because I'm madly in love with the street art in Melb so I'll be posting the findings of my hunt. He promises it will be a 2.5-3 hour hunt so should be good. Other than that I'll be shopping, shopping and a lil more shopping with a bit of touristy stuff chucked in for fun. I can't fuckin wait just in case I haven't mentioned it... by this time next week I'll be there... ahhhhhhhh.... word just cannot describe how slowly this week is going.. *sigh*