Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you and your families. Hope you all have a great holiday!

Hey guess what????

I'm annoyed! yes I know!! shock, horror right? bit of a change for me, right? *sigh* Why am I annoyed you ask, allow me to count the ways....

1. A minor annoyance but I've succumbed to the siren song that is Facebook. I tried to resist. Really I did.

2. Have I mentioned the morons that I work with lately? Need I go there really? (actually I wish I could without the fear of being dooced)

3. I hate doing backflips (not physically cuz as IF) and even more than that I hate being forced to do backflips by the powers that be... makes me feel dumb, incompetant and foolish. 3 things I know I'm not. Fuckin pricks...

4. Fricking Blogger won't let me load up my video blog. Well dunno if it's Blogger per se but sat here for 40 mins while it looked like it was doing it's thing but... as you can see... no video post. I'll keep trying.


Good things from today:

1. finally got an email from Benji, YAY! but looks like he's not coming home for Xmas, Boo! So I'm definately going travelling to UAE and Canada in March/April, YAY! So it's official.... TG coming to a town near you!

Okay I feel better now... off to play in facebook... *sigh* I really have been suckered in...

He loves me, he loves me somethingorather.....

Well went on a little coffee date with the boy from work on Friday and he really is a boy. Found out he's 24. Not that age really makes a difference to me in the grand scheme of things (I've gone out with younger) but he's a young 24 and that just makes me feel old. He was 9 when I was 18... I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed by it all afterwards but it's my own damn fault for building it up in my head the way I did (I'm good at that...). I think I wanted it to be something it turned out it wasn't, wishful thinking really. Don't get me wrong, we had a really awesome time and he's really fun to hang out with and a sweet guy (who has manners even!) but it's a no from me.

Mainly because the whole experience (and resulting introspective weekend) has made me realise that I still do hold a massively huge torch for Benji, as sad as that is, and that he's what I want. He's the ideal, the one that I measure other guys against. If I could list every single thing that I look for in a guy, he's it. Down to even the 'wish list' stuff, that's him to a T. It just doesn't help me that he's in fucking Abu Dhabi... I'm really hoping that he's going to come home for Xmas because if he does I'm going to make a move because I've either got to move on or move towards him. I'd move there if he asked me... Unfortunately for me he hasn't an inkling about how I feel which makes the whole situation even more tragic.

I've been reading "The Haunting of Hill House" and there's a line that struck me between the eyes:

"Journeys end in lovers meeting"

Again, me with the reading into things but that line has been reverberating around in my skull. I've been writing to you about this experience that I've been going through this year and the Blogger label has been The Journey because that's what it has been for me. And I'm coming to the end of this years journey, a journey that's seen a massive monumental shift in mental and physical weight for me (51kgs to date). A journey that has brought me to a place where I have come to terms with my past and the fuckheads contained therein and I'm moving forward, and now I want to move forward with someone and feel mentally and physically able to do so. So I'm putting it out to the Universe that he'll come home for Xmas so that I can get that line out of my head and move in one direction or another. Please Universe, do this for me.

Would it be crazy to stop over there on a little vacay for a few days? I've been seriously toying with the idea of stopping in on my way to europe (maybe with a stopover in Canada/US to meet some bloggers?) I've got the money and I've got the vacay days... I just think it reeks of desperation. If he doesn't come home I think that I need to do something drastic to either know one way or another otherwise I'm just never going to be able to move in either direction and will drive myself crazy with the circular tangent. And I've always been one to go out and get what I want, well mostly ;} Expensive way to win a guy huh? I think he's worth it.

Other than all of that I've had two very nice reconnections today. My friend Nuck is back in town for a brief visit and he tells me that he's engaged to the lovely Kyles. I couldn't be happier as they're two of the nicest people on the planet. They're currently based in Canada so I could conveniently visit them too if I'm out that way...

And the other blast from the past was from someone I've found myself thinking about a lot lately. She's a bit of an old soul and awesome to talk to. A mutual friend caught up with her on the weekend and passed on my number. I hope she calls because it would be nice to reconnect but if she doesn't do it soon I'm going to seek her out as I think there's a reason she's coming back into my life at this precise moment when I need guidance. Nice to reconnect with both of them actually. Old friends, new again. Nice :]

And I know I've been promising a video blog (and I type to you now on the beautiful Cherry-Oh, yep I've fully migrated) and it's coming... I promise ;}. Real life is just getting in the way.