I want some of my own

Anonymous emailer sent me the below quote this morning in response to a coupla posts ago where I quoted the Rolling Stones in my Title field:

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
You just might find
You get what you need.

It's been thought provoking for me today so thank you :]

As I was waking up and getting ready for work this morning I closed my eyes a couple of times and imagined it was me getting ready for work in Melbourne. Would it feel the same way? Same shit different location? I know I'm probably thinking about it all too much at the moment but that's how I work. Churn churn churn.

I think that if I have my laptop and my cat then everything is OK. Scary how simple things are when I put it that way - everything else fades away into obscurity. Those are the only two things I need to survive and be sane right now. Sad... so sad.

like sand through the hourglass...

Wow there's been so much going on lately hence the lack of postage. Let me give you the executive summary:

I'm hosting a Girls Night In next weekend which should be masses of fun AND for a good cause. No doubt some more fridge poetry on the horizon with a dozen tipsy gals in the house. If they do this sort of thing in your country you might want to think about hosting your own - great night in for a good cause.

My mum is starting to drive me nuts with the grandchildren comments. We had a mother-daughter shopping expedition last Sunday and we passed a cute kids clothes shop and I get a "oh I can't wait to spoil my grandchildren with cute clothes like that" and on the garden nursery row there was a very cute smiley baby and for the first time that I've ever seen my Ma goes up to the man holding the baby and asks how old and googoogagas as the baby then comes back with a "oh I can't wait to have grandchildren". *sigh* and a geeeeeez.... Not only that but she's still trying to set me up with that friend of hers. I've now copped a squizz of him and know a bit more about him and I don't think he's for me. But that didn't stop her giving me his business card [he's a DJ].

I seem to be ensconced in two mini-dramas. My good friend Chip is a walking soap opera at the moment. She's the sweetest girl but is a constant walking tangle. She split up with her long time partner a few months ago, which is great because he's a butthead, and is currently seeing an older man. An older man who seems to have even more insecurities than the last one and is repeating the last one's stalkerish/obsessive behavioural patterns. *cue the Days of our Lives theme music* Every day is filled with a new complex and intriguing event, poor gal. One of my work galpals is having dramas with one of our collegues who is head over heels with her. He asked her out on her second day in the section and she's made it clear that she's not interested and has said that she's seeing someone even though she isn't. He's starting to get really creepy and keeps dropping by for a quick chat so we're sending her flowers at work from a pretendy boyfriend on Monday teehee!

My mini-drama, a man I can't have. I've never been in this situation before so it's extremely difficult to deal with. We're so compatible and get on like a house on fire. I'm so used to going out and getting what I want [Benji aside] so this is a massive exercise in restraint. It's all so topsy-turvy and I seesaw between wanting to break my own morals and staying strong and holding on to what I believe in. I'm staying strong and not giving in to temptation, I can't give in because I feel too strongly about being involved with taken men but boy oh boy do I wish I didn't feel that way. It would be so easy to give in but in the end it makes me realise how much I want to be in a relationship again, to feel close to someone and have somebody to share intimate things with.

I floated the idea of moving to Melbourne with my bro and my Ma tonight and basically got the green light from them. My bro, as always, was extremely encouraging - no wonder he's my idol. He also played the devils advocate and helped find answers to a few of my excuses, he's good like that. He asked me a good question too - why do I want to go to Melbourne. It's a toughie to answer because I don't have a concrete answer. I've been thinking of going for at least the last 2 years, there's something that is just drawing me there. I'm not really sure what but I hope it's good. I've got a plan B so if it all falls apart I've got a fallback plan but secretly I don't think I'm going to have to use it.

It's scary now that it's becoming more real but so exciting at the same time. Looks like february is the go, yikes! that's only 4 months away! So much to do between now and then... I haven't told my Dad yet.

I'm really enjoying reading about WLFG's slowly (for us readers that is dammit) unfolding romance. It's the sort of thing that makes me believe in true love again. I just wish that any of the asswipes I've been with were worth a second chance. Oh well. Reading her blog is like reading a favourite book, I'm on absolute tenterhooks waiting for the next exciting episode to find out what what happens next. Damn wench keeps making me cry ;} And laugh, but they're the attributes of a truely great tale.

Lame ass post

I've got a coupla long posts brewing but at the moment I just can't get it out... we'll just blame the Finlandia and butterscotch schnapps.

So for your viewing pleasure today, an assortment of rudements:

Addendum

Found it! The other book that I want to add somewhere in the below is From the Mixed up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L Konigsberg. I read this book when I was about 11 or 12 and it absolutely entranced me. I'm going to have to see if the ole library has it as I'm dying to read it again. From what I remember its either a girl or a girl and a boy who sneak into the Metropolitan Museum of Art and sleep there for a week or so.

just thought I'd share ;]

Tag.. you're IT!

Teehee I've been tagged! I love these things so here ya go: [note: most of these questions could be answered with Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett but that'd be boring so I'll dig deep]

1. One book that changed your life - hardest question first.

The Princessa: Machiavelli for Women by Harriet Rubin. One of the most empowering books I've ever read and I keep it by my bedside as my bible. If you haven't read it go to your local library or bookshop NOW!

2. One book you’ve read more than once.

A Dangerous Fortune by Ken Follett. I'm a big Ken Follett fan and this is one of my favourites. I've read most of his books more than once so I'm not sure if that counts. Or There's a bat in Bunk Five by Paula Danziger. One of my favourite quick and easy reads. Takes me back to my youth.

3. One book that you’d want on a deserted island.

The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe. One of my favourite books and it could keep me occupied for hours. [or Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet because I could read that a zillion and two times and not get bored]. But I've got this weird deserted island fantasy/fetish thing so I'd be enjoying every minute of it so I'm not sure how much reading I'd actually do.

4. One book that made you laugh.

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend. Fuggin hilarious. Or Kaz Cooke's Little Book of Dumb Feng Shui.

5. One book that made you cry.

Cujo by Stephen King. This book had me absolutely bawling my eyes out. I really like how Mr King writes and I usually get really engrossed in his books and this one is certainly waaay up there but I've only read it twice because it moves me too much. The injustice of it all.

6. One book that you wish you had written.

The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. Fascinating book and so well written.

7. One book you wish had never been written.

The House on the Strand by Daphne Du Maurier. Biggest waste of an hour I've ever spent, I could just not finish it and I usually give bad books half a chance but *yawn* not this one.

and I echo WLFG's sentiments regarding Dubya's future toilet paper

8. One book you are reading at the moment.

heheh but I'm not reading just one book! Currently reading a series of books based on Edgar Cayce's readings, the current one is on Reincarnation - really fascinating stuff. I'm also reading the Egyptian series of Wilbur Smith books.

9. One book that you’ve been meaning to read.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki - I borrowed it from my brother about a year and a half ago and have read a chapter and I haven't been able to finish it. Not because it's boring but because I keep starting other engrossing books and just haven't got back to it.

10. Tag five others that you’d like to do this meme.

Rosa and anyone who's actually reading this and hasn't already been tagged.

tiiiiiiiiime is on my side... yes it is....

Long time no postage!

Been sick as a dog for the last week and a half so I'm still recovering. Lost 5 kilos - yay for throwing up ;}. Lolling around in bed all day gives one a lot of time for thinking, while they may be slightly febrile thoughts it's still a hellava lot of thinking time.

Coupla things - moving to Melbourne is back on the agenda. Scary! But it's something that I've wanted to do for the last 4 years or so and I've been making excuses not to and yearning to go at the same time. I have two main reasons for not going, they are my mum and her ill health and my family.

My mum has a brain tumour, she's had it for a couple of years and it is benign but there's all sorts of funky side effects, one of them being completely deaf, and I worry about her a lot. Like A LOT, a lot. She's also now got cataracts but they're being operated on in the next 3 months. I know I'm not responsible for her and her well being but I would feel so guilty if I left and something happened and I wasn't there for her. I've spoken to her about it and she's told me to go and not to let her hold me back and I agree but I can't help feeling guilty at the same time. But I'm trying to build a bridge on that one [and get over it]. Part of that bridge building is realising that ultimately I'm only a couple hours a way by plane and I will always make sure I have a plane fare in the savings account so if something does happen I'm so there.

And my family... that's a real toughie. My family is me, my bro, my Ma and Dad. That's basically it. We all live in the same town and we're very close because we're all we have. I could write a book about the past and the complicating factors but I'm going to leave it for now. A lot of the time I feel like I'm the gum in the family because if I don't organise things they don't happen. My parents have split but they're still good friends and we get together for all the holidays and birthdays n stuff but I'm usually the gum that sticks us together. I don't know what will happen if I go. And again, I know I'm not responsible for that but at the same time I don't want to be apart from them, I'm going to miss them like crazy. My brother especially. He's my idol and one of the best human beings on the whole planet. I do actually have rellies in Melbourne, my aunty and cousins live there but I haven't spoken to them in a zillion years so it would be nice to reconnect... maybe.

Everything else is kinda insignificant. I have a few friends there and I'm the sort of person who makes friends easily so I'm not worried about that. I'll miss the friends I have here but there's always email and phone and visits n whatnot. My closest 2 friends I mostly talk to on the phone anyway - one lives in Sydney and the other is here so in a way there's no difference. And if I really hate it all I can always come back. [see! not talking myself out of it *gasp*]

So at the moment the plan is to move in Feb 2007 pending a good job on the horizon. I don't want to leave now despite seeing a REALLY good job working for the Vic Dept of Forensics which would have been really fascinating but it's my bro's birthday next week, my birthday in a month, Xmas after that and NYE after that [not that that's a family event but y'know]. So Feb is the plan. Woah, scary seeing all that in print, out loud instead of just in my head. There's a whole lot of logistics that worry me too - do I rent or buy, moving aaallll my stuff and my car, moving the Beast and how he's going to cope with the move [there's always cat valium heehee], money to finance all the moving stuff, finishing off the kitchen reno, finding a real estate agent to rent out my house. I've still got a coupla months to think about all that which is good. Need time to plan.

More febrile bed musings later on, am hungry, must have foood.

And yes Lance I do believe I'll accept that definition as the word. It's not exactly it but it's pretty darn close! Poem to be posted on the Fridge Poetry site by the end of the week. Thanks heaps!!