to all my readers

mwaahahahahaaaaaaa

the oddest of thoughts

I've been reading my old Judy Blume books for lack of good reading material (suggestions welcome!) and a weird thought crossed my mind after reading "Are you there God, it's me Margaret". Apart from remembering me checking the loo every time after reading that book for the first time and hoping that I too had gotten my period but I really can't remember sprouting pubic hair.

Armpit hair and growing boobs yes but not growing pubic hair. In fact when I was growing boobs I actually asked my mum what was going on because I felt a lump one afternoon while watching TV in my favourite chair - just a little boobage growing. It just seems like one day no hair and the next kaboom pubic bush. I remember straggling little armpit hairs sprouting beneath my arms but no straggling little pubic hairs.

Anyway just thought I'd share that ;]

All my Christmases have come at once!

I sponsor a little Kenyan girl through World Vision and lately I've been wondering how she's been going. It dawned on me that I haven't actually had an update for 2 years! Has time flown that quickly? Anyway I hopped on their website and updated my address just in case they had something funky on their records (I haven't actually changed address but thought I might reenter it just in case).

Today I received the last 2 years worth of World Vision mail! 3 Christmas cards and 2 progress reports with photos. She's so cute and it's nice to see her growing up. And like most (pretendy) parents I wish she'd smile more in her photos. One of the progress report photos shows her absolutely beaming and she's just so darned cute.

I send her stickers, pencils, glitter glue pens, markers, coloring in books and paper regularly and I never really know if she gets them so I'm hoping that that beaming picture is the day she got them. She's holding a piece of paper so I hope so. I get little drawings on all of my cards and progress reports which I just love so I hope she gets her stuff.

Still no returned mail from Georgie yet. I can't wait to get home every day just to see if I've got a returned mail or any sort of correspondance but not yet. Where are you Georgie??

Some fukker tried to break into my car on Monday night... while it was parked in my carport. It gives me the heebies to think that someone was doing that while I was in my house. Silly how something like that makes me feel insecure. And even more sillier it makes me feel lonely because I wish I had a big burly fella to make me feel safe.

*sigh*

PS. this is post number 69 teehee!

Valentines schmalentines

Ugh... thank you very much WLFG for the reminder that Valentines Day is just around the corner. I hate Valentines Day and like WLFG, not because of the over commercialised nonsense but because I've never had a good one, a special one. I read her post going uh huh... uh huh... insert different boys names and different book titles and that's me too.

Although I can go you one better and insert:

1994: Go out on the town with friends who are boys (one of which I like a lot) and one skanky ho hanger-on biatch and get a bit pissy on a coupla glasses of champagne. Hours later, and after having no drinks for those hours, I'm pinged the designated driver as the driver is lying in the middle of the sidewalk drunk as a skunk. Cool, I thought I'd sobered up... Keys in hand, I hop into a muscle car I've never driven and that has a touchy first gear and whammo fly into a parked taxi. No one was hurt and (not so) funnily enough the original driver was that drunk that he didn't even wake up from his backseat slumber and was woken up by the cops once they'd turned up.

The result: 1 x $600 ticket for driving without a current licence (mine had expired 2 weeks prior to the event and I hadn't bothered renewing it yet), 1 x $800 ticket for driving under the influence (over the limit by .00001), 1 x $8000 lawsuit from the taxi company for damages to their car because the owner of the car I was driving didn't have insurance and I was liable, 1 x $3500 almost lawsuit from the driver of the car for damages to his car (ie it was a write off). Total cost = $12,900. Pretty expensive Valentine eh? I managed to settle everything out of court and for a fraction of the cost but still...

1995: Get first thing ever, a bunch of roses, from a guy I'm totally into but we're not officially going out. So totally over the moon I forgive him when he has to leave early. Ala WLFG... perhaps that was a sign.

1996: Now officially going out with totally scrummy guy from last year and he declares that he doesn't believe in Valentines and I get squat. I had left him little heart shaped chocolates next to his bed and didn't see him for the rest of the day. Found out later that he was two timing me all along and probably only gave me the roses the year before to get into my pants. Yep a sign.

2001: In a sorta relationship with a guy and on Valentines day he tells me that he's been sleeping with his ex wife as well as me and that I was starting to freak him out since I was actually starting to feel something emotionally for him rather than just sexually as it had all started out. Great. thanks very much. see you later.

2006: Get a huge, beautiful bunch of flowers! Get huge, beautiful bunch of flowers meant for Chip from her psycho ex boyfriend because she doesn't want them and can't stand to look at them. yay. I did send a secret admirer valentine to Benji. felt pathetic but did it anyway.

2007: Am hoping that Benji comes to the ultimate realisation that he's madly in love with me and can't keep it a secret any longer and just has to profess his love in the most romantic way imaginable.

Say no more.

Been mucking about with my camera (click to enlarge)

Went hiking on the weekend and snapped this tree, just looked kinda neat poking out above everything else (really should click this one to see it full size)





Despite the drought my Aggies are flowering. I just love this combo of green and purple.






Even my fave echeveria are flowering. sooo pretty.



Gratuitous M'Lord MiniPanther shot showing his best side ;}

PHEW! well sorta anyway

Thank you Universe! talk about a wake up call, trust me I'm wide awake and don't think I'll ever be asleep again! My lung x-ray results have come up clear. Well sort of anyway. My doctor isn't in until Wednesday and I pestered the receptionist to peek at the results and tell me what they were like because I've already had to wait all weekend and if I have to wait any longer I was going to bust. She said that there was nothing serious on there so I don't really know what the go is yet. I've got an appointment on Wednesday afternoon so I should know then. Actually had to take some Neurofen today because it was killing me!

One interesting aside through all of this is that I've discovered that I'm a big sigher. I sigh a lot for some reason, whether it's sighing or just taking deep breaths a lot I don't know. Weird huh.

But I'm SO relieved. While I was thinking positively during the day I couldn't help thinking about what if I were to die in 6 months and things like that during the wee hours of the night. It's a really scary thought, obviously, and it has been quite life and thought pattern changing. In a way I'm thankful as I did dedicate this year to me and this has just strengthened my resolve.

I was talking with Sisa today and we were talking about the lessons behind life's little situations. We both believe that things happen for a reason and that most situations have lessons behind them. Apart from strengthening my resolve, the fear of dying has made me appreciate everything more than I already do. I'm already quite happy and I'm quite pleased that if I were to die that there's only the Georgie situation to clear up for me to die at peace (apart from the marriage and babies thing but that's not as fixable just yet). I don't think a lot of people could say that. But I'm happy I have no real regrets and the one I do have I can possibly fix. (still no response to my letter by the way - if I don't get a response or my letter back this week I'm booked in at the Electoral office to view the electoral roll so hopefully I can find her or her dad).

Getting back to the lessons, strange as it sounds but I think that my fatness is part of a lesson in committing to myself. I do everything for everyone else but I never keep promises to myself and don't really follow through on things for me. At the time I think Oh it doesn't matter it's only me but I think that deep down it does matter. My commitment to myself is to commit to losing weight. To knuckle down and do it and persist. As a good friend of mine says to me often "Persistance overcomes resistance" although he means it in an entirely different manner which we won't go into now. But it's true. I need to persist and commit time and effort to my cause because I have a belief that I'll be happier when I'm thinner. Now whether this is true or not we shall see but I know that at least I'll be healthier and that's the most important thing.

My Dad always says that nothing is more important than your health and I've always yeah yeahed him but now I think I really understand what he means and I'll be Amen, hallelujahing and waving my lighter in the air at him instead. My new catchphrase is "could be dying of lung cancer" as in too tired to exercise? well could be dying of lung cancer and all of a sudden I find a burst of energy :) Funny that.

Anyhoo I think I'll be sleeping very well tonight, and when it's not hurting so much I'll be breathing deep sighs of relief ;} Hope you're all doing well out there in blogland, I really do.

I'm scared

No make that petrified. I'm trying to stay positive and not think about it but it's easier said than done. I'm really scared. I'm one of those people who hates going to the doctor. Apart from hating to wait for 45 minutes I just don't like being prodded and poked. So generally when I should go to a doctor I don't. I grin and bear it.

I'm having a chest xray tomorrow because I've got a pain in my right lung that has been there for a month or two or three. It could be something or it could be nothing. I mainly feel it in one specific spot when I breathe deep. Stoopid me googled lung pain and read about pleurisy, lung cancer (the most lethal of cancers yay) and lupus. I'm freaking out just a little and I know I shouldn't have read any of it as it's only making me think about it more. I'm staying positive really I am.

It started out because I've dedicated this to the year of ME. I need to be selfish and concentrate on me this year. I need to get serious and lose some weight. I need to treat my body as a temple and only put good food in it. I need to worship myself and go and have a massage or facial or something. I need to take care of the aches and pains and the lung pain was top of the list. I'm going to get my eyes checked next as I haven't had that done in about 8 years. I'm booked in to see a skin specialist next week for my yearly skin check [I have a gazillion freckles and in the Aussie sun it's not a good thing].

Did I mention that I'm scared. The silly thing is that when I started thinking of the possibility that I could die sooner than I thought and started thinking about what I want to do before I die the main thing that came into my head is sex. heheh yep I'm a sex fiend. Second to that is get married and have a child. I generally live my life like every day is my last so I don't have a lot of regrets or things that I haven't done and there's only really 1 thing that I want to resolve before I die and this little situation has spurred me on regardless of the diagnosis.

I need to find Georgina Garrett. I owe her $400. I don't know where she is and the only lead I have to start finding her is her dad's address in Brisbane from 12 years ago which she gave me as her contact address. 12 years ago, when I lived in London, I met Georgie at The Dover Castle hostel. She is a very sweet, funny girl and we became great friends and went travelling to Greece (to a little island called Paros) together. We lived there for 3 months and due to things I'm not proud of I owe her $400. I've never had the opportunity to pay her back and I hate owing people money and I want to say sorry for the way things ended up.

I'm going to start by writing to the address I have and see what happens. If nothing I'm going to ring every G.Garrett in Australia. If I can't find her that way... I dunno. There's nothing leading on the internet but then again I don't really know where to look.

Anyway I'll keep you posted on the search for Georgie and my Xray results. Please keep your fingers firmly crossed for me.