bwaaaaahahahahahahahahhaaaa!!!!

Oh I just had to share:

http://passiveaggressivenotes.wordpress.com

Go there, you know you want to!

seek and ye shall find

Funny how the Universe provides.... in the last episode we left TG pondering on how to deal with life's little challenges without comforting herself with food. And not entirely sure whether she had mastered (or even noviced) that art.

Today, Spam gives me a book to read titled "Think Slim: The key to making any diet work" by Mark Stephens. It claims to help you control emotional eating, eliminate limiting beliefs and negative feelings, change bad habits, set goals and stay motivated, alter your thinking at a subconscious level and use positive self talk. I had a little flip through it and it looks like it's based on NLP, self hypnosis and a smattering of other stuff. I've just finished reading a book on NLP and it's got some very interesting aspects to it so it should be interesting to read it in the food/diet light.

Interesting huh?

Thank you Universe, I look forward to reading it.

food glorious fooooood

What a week, well more like what a fortnight. I'm going to try and not make this a woe is me post but I'll apologise in advance if it gets that way.

Let me start with some lessons on food. With this whole "eating plan" thing I've learnt some really interesting things. Firstly that I do actually have will power. And not only that but iron clad will power. I have been so strict about sticking to my eating plan that I've really surprised myself that I've been so good. Don't get me wrong, I'd just about murder for a packet of salt and vinegar chips (or bacon and sour cream) and a very large vodka and lemonade but I'm good. I don't need it.

A friend of mine told me yesterday that if I change the way the world sees me then I change the way I see myself. I think that I've already taken the first step in my 1000 step journey and already it seems true. I know I'm feeling better about myself even with a 10kg loss so just imagine the me in another couple of months. I'm going to be absolutely killer! watch out world!

The second thing I've learnt is how much I used to use food and alcohol for comfort. I knew that I did it before I started but to actually recognise that urge and not obey the compulsion when I've been upset or feeling like crap has been interesting. It's also forced me to try and pull myself out of it mentally rather than stuffing handfuls of chips down my throat. I'm not sure if I've managed to master that aspect as I don't really have any answers for when I do feel like shite (well maybe shopping) but it makes me think that I'm reward driven, that I need something tangible to make myself feel better rather than dealing with whatever issue and trying to rationalise it. It's a bit hard with emotions as I don't think I've learnt how not to feel a certain way. I'm feeling pretty crappy at the moment but think that's more stress related.

It's funny how things happen in cycles. I don't know if it's just me or if it's work but everytime I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel it turns out to be the train. I'm pretty much over my job and if it weren't for the cat I'd be moving asap. I'm half tempted to just go and see what happens with M'Lord. I don't know if I can wait for him to cark it before moving, I just don't know if I can put up with this shit for that long. That's how over it I am.... Normally I'm pretty good at grinning and bearing it and keep on keeping on but it's just wearing me down. I was thinking that maybe I could find another job here but I just don't want to do that. If I'm going to change jobs I want the total change. Dumb huh? *sigh*

Oh well, another day another dollar - back to keeping my chin up!

The first sign

Winter is on it's way!

(click to enlarge)

I couldn't help but take this pic while at a mates place. This tree is just amazing - purple, green, yellow, orange, red, pink. I've never seen one tree with so many colours. Just gorgeous. I've got another sign for you but you have to wait til tomorrow.

Snippets

It's funny, I often think about blogging during the day while I'm at work but once I get home the words dry up. That's my weak attempt at an apology for the lack of postage lately. I haven't really had much to write about and I'm working crazy hours. Between now and the end of the financial year things are just going to get even more manic unfortunately. At the moment I just want to say fuck it all and walk away. I'm just a little more than fed up but I gots to pay the bills. I'm sick of being undermined by my own section and with all the chaos that's going on I don't know what is going to happen. Grin and bear it I guess.

Had my first official weigh in today and I've lost 8.7kgs and 35cm! Unreal result for 4 weeks. Can't wait for the rest of it to melt off! I've got my end goal in sight!

And unfortunately it's official, Benji is moving to Abu Dhabi. In fact he's leaving next week. He came to my office and had a chat to me for almost an hour and showed me where he's going to be living etc and I just wanted to tell him not to go or to take me with him. I've been moping around and feeling really down which is just dumb because he's not mine to mope about. If I wasn't such a chicken then maybe he would be and I'd be telling you that I'm off to Abu Dhabi but tis not so my friends. He's only going for a couple of years but I can't wait that long. I hope he gets there and hates it and comes back... yeah more wishful thinking. This sucks.

Don't you hate it when you KNOW you're being irrational but you can't help it? I'm annoyed because I got what I wanted. I wanted Roger to distance himself from me a little so the whole situation wouldn't be so hard. Lately he's stopped playing with me but now that he has I don't like it and in a way I feel insanely jealous about really stoopid petty things like when he comes round for a chat then says he's got to get back to work but stops in for a chat with Spam for half an hour or chats monosyllabically to me online for 5 mins then tells me he's gotta go but stays online for another hour. Instead of being happy like I should be it irritates the hell out of me. And I know I'm being a dork and can't talk myself around. Sometimes I really wonder who's in charge of me...

Anyway I'm just annoying myself now so I'll leave you with those happy thoughts har har.

The wisdom that cleaning gives you

I had the day off today so I thought I'd tackle my spare room/study and sort out some of the stuff in there. I often write down things that I've heard or read and that I think are poignant and worth remembering. While cleaning today, I came across two scraps of paper that I don't remember writing and don't know where they've come from. They are:


Have patience in yourself.
Find the perspective to see yourself for what you are.
Know that you have it in you to persevere.

and

Recognise that while on the one hand you are limited and dependant, on the other you exist at the perfect centre where the harmonious and beneficent forces of the Universe merge and radiate. You are that centre. The more light you have the better you can see what is trivial and outmoded in your conditioning.


Interesting. And kinda what I needed to hear at the moment. I got confirmation today that Benji is leaving to go to Abu Dhabi. I feel sad about it but at the same time I feel dumb because I shouldn't feel like this as he was never mine in the first place. The perils of being a secret admirer eh? Bon Voyage Benji, as you sail out of my life.