Not good

Yeah yeah I know that this is neither a healthy dinner nor a remedy for a particularly horrible day but it'll do the trick for both methinks.

I love the smell of roadkill in the morning

There were 4 kangaroo carcasses on the side of the road on the way to work and it's not as if I live in the bush. There are often carcasses by the side of the road but to have 4 on one stretch is a little unusual. There's been a bit of a population problem anyway so no great loss in the grand scheme of things (yes bad way to die but the population problem is a whooole other post).

The worst part, apart from seeing their twisted, and often half mushied bloody corpses by the side of the road is the smell that wafts in through the air intake and lingers in the car for awhile. Kangaroo is one of the more pongier meats around. It's OK eating when done right with a yummy sauce (we are the only nation that eats it's own national emblem) but the meat really pongs. And when it's dead and rotting it's even worse.

Nice way to start the day.

Ya wha??

Was just reading a magazine and came across this add for roll-on caffeine! What the fuck? Apparently it is supposed to help disappear the bags from under your eyes. Wonder if it works in those times when I'm running late and need a quick caffeine fix?

The wonders of modern technology eh?

Grief

Grief is a new thing to me. I've never had anyone close to me die so I've never known how to deal with it. My first experience was my beloved cat Bebe Lamb dying of kidney disease when I lived overseas in 1992. All I got was a phonecall about it so it was a little remote, I cried a little then moved on because it was easy to do that with the distance. Then, while overseas in the same place, I got news that my most favourite grandfather had passed away. I know you're not supposed to have favourites but if you knew my family you would understand. I didn't get to go to his funeral but I did visit where his ashes were scattered with my Dad when I got back and I do have a special memento of that visit and that was pretty special but again, remote.

My first funeral was with my first boyfriend for a woman I never knew but I still bawled my eyes out due to the pain that was evident in the faces of the family and friends she left behind. My second was my grandmother, my most faves wife and again I couldn't stop bawling but it wasn't so much for the loss of her but for me and all of the times we didn't have because I don't think she really liked my brother and I all that much (again, if you knew my family you'd understand). My cousins got up at the pulpit and told how Granny had made them fairy dresses and sewed their dolly some clothes etc and I never got anything except a shove out the door because her blood pressure was getting too high.

Anyway what I'm leading up to is the grief I'm feeling for the loss of M'Lord. I had to kill him two days before my birthday (November) last year and I still haven't got over it. I relive every single detail of having to do it (and I do count myself lucky that I got to hold him as they injected him with an overdose of sedative but am so sorry that it hurt him as they did it) I'm ok most of the time but then I have some major boohoo moments at least once a week when I just can't take it and I miss him SO much that it physically hurts me, I've never felt such pain. Old habits die hard and I'm so used to having him around the house and I still see him out of the corner of my eye. I've never had these feelings and the strength of them has made me a little scared of the time when I lose a human that means even half as much to me as he did. I miss absolutely everything about him and it's always the little things that kill me the most, my tuck-in kisses, greeting me at the door as I come home each and every day that and so so much more that if I type any more I'm gonna be typing each moment that meant so much and I don't want you to bore you ;}

I just hope I get to a point where I'm not 65 and not still having boohoo moments where I miss him so terribly. Surely there will come a point where I don't miss him so much? Surely?

A proud daughter

Just picked up my Dad's medals to wear to the dawn service tomorrow. Aren't they great?

The one on the right is his Australian Defence Medal for his time in the Navy Reserves and the one on the left is his Vietnam Logistic and Support medal and he's got one more which he hasn't received yet although it has been approved and looks like it won't arrive in time for me to wear on ANZAC day which is another one for service in Vietnam.

SO proud to wear these :)

Maybe it has something to do with the weather?

Since my last post I've been surprisingly happy. I haven't felt like this in a long time hence my amazement. Nothing has really changed in my life apart from starting my design course (so maybe it's the light at the end of the tunnel factor?).

My Mum came over for dinner last night and we were talking about how cold it has been getting over the last two weeks and how she is starting to hibernate but I'm starting to come alive. I love winter and the cold and I have the same reaction every year. Once it starts getting cold I start getting into things. My motivation returns, I feel more refreshed and it feels like my brain switches on after turning to a runny goop over the heat of the summer.

And to celebrate all of that I'm having an extra long weekend by taking today off (it's a long weekend because of ANZAC day and I'm going to the dawn service and will b wearing my Dad's medals, yay Dad!) And am gonna have a bludge day today then spend the rest of the weekend on my assignments.

Does caffeine = happiness?

Today I had 4 coffees, that's two above my usual and this afternoon for the first time in a very long time I've come home feeling happy. I feel a bit buzzy so I'm wondering about the correlation because is it really that simple?.

Alternately does having a plan = happiness? I think I've worked out a plan on how to move forwards in my crappy job, well actually it's sorta sideways but in a more satisfactory direction which means more to me than monetary compensation. Thanks to the economic crisis the drying up of juicy jobs in melbourne has put the kybosh on that little plan. I'm still looking but it's pretty slim pickins right now.

Or does having a glimmer of a possibility = happiness? On top of all that I've enrolled in a design course and my textbooks, equipment and first assignments turned up yesterday so I'm excited about getting started and the opportunities that completion is going to bring.

Either way, today I'm happy :)

More testing

I just wanted to test out the whole image posting via email thingamabob so if you see a dude and a teapot (my fave by the way) then it worked. If you don't then it didn't bloody work...

By jove I think I've cracked it!

I have been trying and trying to work out the blogger mobile posting and I do believe I've bloody well worked it out, hence you reading this eh? And do you know what this means? Yep, I'm back

Just a quick update because I'm heading out to dins in a second - I gots me a crackberry which has prompted my return for a couple of reasons. Firstly because I always get ideas for posts when I'm nowhere near the puter so now thanks to my insanely ridiculous data plan I can post whenever and wherever I want. Secondly because its too hard to blog as me @ my other blog. Having my relative anonymity is so much easier. And did I mention I bought a crackberry? ;)

So I'm back, I missed you.

Testing testing

This is a bloody test.... Again
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on 3