It's official. He likes me.

wowsers.

Flirtayshun

It's been a weird sort of day today. I've had two extreme compliments from the top two bosses telling me how valued I am in this organisation. Wonder if they smell something on the air...

And hmmmm an interesting turn of events today. So let me just start with a little background first. I have a secret power that has been getting stronger and I need to be careful about using it. I can make things happen. I keep freaking Chip out with it which makes me laugh but I'm seriously going to have to be careful. Some recent examples... I sat down with my (then) boss and she says to me "so where do you want to be, what's your vision" so I laid it out, specifically, what I wanted. At the time I was couching it in terms of this is where I want it all to be in a years time. Three days later in an unforseen turn of events it all happens exactly as I'd laid it out. I couldn't have even engineered it to work the way it did.

example two. I discover that we need product xy needed to make product z work and I should have ordered it 3 orders ago. If we order product xy separately I'm going to have to pay for it out of my sections budget. I say to Chip "Right, I'm putting it out to the Universe now that someone will make an order for product z so that I can slip in product xy tomorrow. They will make an order tomorrow" Tomorrow arrives and I have in the morning I have a message on my voicemail from a client saying "oh hi, just wondering if you can give me some pricing on product z because I need to make an order?" Bingo!

So you get the point. I voice what I want and make it happen. You'll recall that I recently made 3 birthday wishes. New job, new boyfriend, new friends.

Well you know the story bout the job (still haven't heard from them by the way but I will. And of course I'll let you know when I start ;})

New boyfriend.... well there's been a little flirtation that I haven't been telling you about. Someone I see every day at work has been having little flirty chats with me. And it's pointed because people have started commenting on it in that he only talks to me and not to the two Hottie McHothots that I work with. No problemo, he's cute, he's funny, awesome occupation. No problemo. I've been finding myself thinking about him when I'm at home and just... daydreaming, y'know. So I sourced some inside intel on him on friday and found out that he had a girlfriend. Not only that but she's the daughter of someone at work. OK. Problemo. Oh well, I thought, too bad. Too bad for him! So I moved on to the weekend and tried not to feed that
little seed of disappointment that was there.

So fast forward to today (monday). I had a chat about him with Chip in the morning and offhandedly say to her "he should ditch his girlfriend, he doesn't need her when he could have me"... So fast forward to lunch. I head down to where he is testing somethingorather and I ask him how his day was going...

"mmmm okay" he says and he makes a face.

"well it is Monday, it can only get better from here" I tell him.

"Not when you're breaking up with your girlfriend" he replies.

ooooohkaaaayyyyyyyyy.....(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I told him I was sorry to hear that (I'm not) and my condolences blah blah and moved the conversation along to other topics til I had to go.

So my mind's awhirl with too many questions. So he's breaking up with his girlfriend eh? Wonder why? What prompted that? And why now (apart from full moon madness)? Why did he feel the need to tell me that when he hadn't even told me he had a girlfriend in the first place?

And now I've got those delicious butterflies of anticipation. I'd forgotten how nice it feels. Even if nothing happens it's nice to feel like this again.

and the new friends can be found via new employment and new boyfriend n'est pas? ;}

Can you say dumbass?

So I spent most of the weekend talking myself in and out of this job. Not that I actually have an interview for it, but I know I will get one ;} , hell who wouldn't want to employ me! I can give you a massive list of the reasons why I should stay or why I should go but I won't bore you. Pretty dumb if you ask me but of course I can't help tormenting myself with that crap...

Good news though, my new laptop arrived yesterday so I promptly took the afternoon off to uninstall almost 2GBs of junk it comes preloaded with and spent some quality time reloading all the good shite (aka porn) and pix etc etc. AND not only is it a sexy cherry red satin finish but it comes with a webcam in the frame... didn't even know that so that was a fun surprise. It's got all sorts of neat special effects etc so you know what that means... video blog this week. Yep this is your official warning... (except those people that I'll email of course) but for the rest of you... I'll be posting it for 24 hours only. Cuz I'm a chicken. So bite me.

I did it!!!!!!!!!! boy did I do it.....

I finally managed to get my head around that stoopid selection criteria yesterday (the day it was due) so I rang up the organisation and asked for an extension which they granted me til next week. I thought I'd show a bit of commitment and dedication and get it in today. So slaved away last night and tweaked it today, tweaked my resume and cover letter and tizzed it all up. It was looking pretty good and I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. So with baited breath I hit the Send button and sent that baby winging it's way through the cosmos and sat back in my chair happy, scared and exhilarated. I'd done it! Cool bananas!

Driving home, kinda riding on a scared high. Not quite believing that I'd done it. But yes, yes I have. Could mean a whole new start to things, maybe just the kickstart I need?

Get home, fire up the laptop and my mouse happens to catch the time in the toolbar and the little mouseover pops up the date. Friday 16 November 2007. 16 November... not 15 November as I'd put in my fucking application. Fuck fucking fuck x 1000000. Dammit dammit dammit. I'd fucking checked that half a dozen times on my desk calendar... which was still fucking set to Thursday AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!! Not much I can do about it now but I can't stop kicking myself... so much for that keen eye for detail I'd boasted about. Fuck.

Just hope they don't have a keen eye for detail...

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really am fucking tormented today....

this frickin application.... I dunno whether I've just gotten super dumb since the last time I did one of these things or what. The thing that shits me is that if the Selection Criteria was based on the actual role profile I would not have a problem. But how the fuck do you address a criteria that says "Commits to action" whilst trying to couch it in terms of the role profile. I just don't have any words and nothing is coming through. As you know I'm not usually lost for words but this has really stumped me. I really don't think I can do it in time. It's quite upsetting because I really could piss this job in if only I could get my head around this warped fucking fuck of a selection criteria.

I've even turned off the TV to try and focus on this stoopid thing (yeah I KNOW!!)

And yes I'm procrastinating...

But it's only because I was contacted by a very nice young man on the internet dating site I recently joined (gotta be in the game to win it). Hopefully he will actually email me cuz he seems pretty cool. I'll keep ya posted...

fuck I don't know what to do about this poncey application.

dammit dammit dammit

Fuck a duck!

Well I found a coupla jobs I want to apply for and maaaan... I haven't done Selection Criteria for a while and this is fucking hard! They have all this fluffy stuff you have to address which does not directly relate to the role duties, such as "Supports shared purpose and direction" or "Applies and builds professional expertise" or "Engages with risk and shows personal courage". Bloody hell... how the fuck to I address that? It states "Applicants should frame their applications against the selection criteria outlined below, taking into consideration the duties as well as the capabilites and information provided in the employment description"

fuck a duck

It's only been 5 years since I last did one of these and it was nowhere near anything like this. When did it suddenly get all tricky like this?

fuck fucking fuck.

And it's a cool job too, one I could piss in if I could only think up any sort of semblance of words to put on this blank paper....

*sigh*

As you can tell I'm procrastinating just a tad because I've managed to do just about anything but focus on this application... and it's due on the 15th... as in 3 days away... *sigh*

why why why?

Oh and I had real food for my birthday... I've never had food that was so close to orgasmic as that. Mmmmmm SO good! Probably helps that I haven't had a meal like that in 8 months but boyoboy was it good. Smoked trout mousse wrapped in smoked salmon with shreded cucumber raita and somethingorather bread for entree then Asian spiced crispy duck breast with potato rosti and asian greens for main and then home for my mum's hazelnut cake which is light as light can be but drowned in cream, strawberries and raspberries... I had two slices... AND champagne. Soooooooo good! Had a massive stomach ache all night and half the next day but it was SO worth it. Can't wait for Xmas now ;} mmmm fooooood....

More on my bday next time... gotta stop procrastinating.... somehow....

Hoppy birdy two ewes

Well it's the eve of my birthday so time for a little reflection on the past year. Firstly I was wrong about my year cycle last year. I was in a year one this year not a year 5. I calculated it wrong. And boy does it make some sense now (click here to read what a numerological year 1 is all about) . This year I've shifted a lot of weight, both physically and mentally. I've let go of a lot and hopefully made room for new things to come in. The main theme this year was governed by the phrase "It is not easy to eliminate a dependency if you don’t know its emotional cause. Knowing the emotional reason for a dependency makes it much easier to understand and leave behind." and I've discovered quite a lot about myself by attempting that.

Interestingly there is a new moon on my birthday. New moons are a great time for manifesting new things to come into your life. So for my birthday wish for the next year I wish for three things:

1) a boyfriend
2) good friends
3) a new job

Those three things are the key to my happiness at the moment. It's pretty simple really:

1) I need to love and be loved
2) I need more fun and laughter in my life and have someone I can ring when I need to talk.
3) this one is a tricky one as it comes with a lot of guilt, sadness and fear. I've been with the same company for 10 years but today I decided that it's time for a change. I looked at the employment pages and was actually excited by the prospects. I'll be really sad to leave as I know just about everyone in the organisation and it really is a great place to work despite all the shitola that's been going on. Not to blow my own horn but they're going to be in trouble when I leave which gives me the guilts. I know I'm not irreplaceable but there is a lot of corporate knowledge in my head which will leave them in the lurch. And good luck to my replacement for reasons I can't explain for the dooce factor. I'll be breaking out of my comfort zone and that's always scary but at the same time exhilarating.

All in all I'm excited by the coming year and what feels like a fresh start, bring on Year 2. I received this in my inbox today and it kinds sums it all up for me:

> This is one of the big power portals of the solar year, the
> mid-point between the September Equinox and December Solstice, a
> bubbling cauldron of possibilities fueled by Scorpio's promise of
> transcendence. Death. Communion. Rebirth. The phoenix rises from the
> ashes of its former self. We are reborn with the Scorpio New Moon on
> November 9.

And because I love it so much I'll leave you with my birthday toad. That was me last year but this year, not so much. Hoppy birdy to me and I love you all.

how sweet it is....

Sweet revenge is having your bastard ex's eyes pop out of his face at your new and improved hottiness knowing it ain't never gonna be his EVER again. And I'm not usually a revenge kinda gal but that was a sweeeet satifying moment. Like A LOT. Suck shit asshole mwahahahaaa!

This body and mind changing journey that I've been on this year has been such a rollercoaster. It's weird to think that it's been 8 months already. Time sure has flown this year. I've now cracked one of my major weight goals (under 100kg (96 to be precise) - don't forget that I'm 6' tall please) so that's a total weight loss of 46kgs (101 pounds for you backwards type) so far. That's a small fricken child! I've lost 113 cms in total and 4-5 dress sizes depending on brand and shop. Apart from the physical weight shift I've had a bit of a mental weight shift while I was at it.

I've done away with a lot of the old thought patterns, added some good new ones. I've grown up a little more this year, I still wouldn't stretch it to call m'self mature because I don't ever want to be a mature person because that equals fuddyduddy to me. I'm still not totally there with the mind stuff but I'm working on that. And that's a whole other post that I've been brewing in the wings. Just need to catch up with some other stuff first.

It's been interesting to see how differently I'm treated now that I'm thinner and have rediscovered my inner hottie. Disappointing in some ways that people who wouldn't give me the time of day, now do. I don't know if it's because I'm the talk of my office or have some sort of new celebrity status? I get 3-4 people a day tell me how great I'm looking and what am I doing blah blah which was nice at first but I'm a bit over it now. Me being me, I'll still have a chat and whatnot but I'd rather not be told I'm the Amazing Shrinking Woman like it's the first time I've heard it. But the lesson in all of this hooha is learning how to take compliments which I've never been comfortable with before. Smile and say thanks even if you don't agree with it on the inside. I'm finding that it's more about the other person in that it's funny how people feel the need to comment.

I've found that people have started seeing me again. When I was large I was practically invisible. I could go out in public and people just wouldn't see me (which is interesting considering I was so big and am so tall), but people would basically see right through me. Now I notice that I get looked at rather than looked through when I'm out and about.

One of the things I wish we celebrated here in Oz is Halloween. I grew up having Halloween every year but it's just not the done thing here. I'm not entirely sure why because it's an awesome day. Anyhoo I did my own thing to celebrate (click to enlarge):


Cute huh?

And I've been naughty... I bought myself another birthday present... a new laptop. Go the spending spree eh? I blame Sooty. My current laptop hard drive is only 80GB and cuz you need to have your files on the 'puter to sync then to the iPod I need a bigger hard drive... despite the fact that my external hard drive is already full (damn that porn) I thought it would be better in the long run if I gots me a new porn machine laptop. I've already sold this one so I'm justifying it that way. So :P

And I've decided to do a video blog for y'all but it's going to be a blink or you'll miss it post. I'll post it for a whole 24 hours then take it down. Otherwise I'm going to have a cardiac about it and I do want to do a little video (no, not that kind Cheese). I'll email my regular readers to notify you three when it goes up so you don't miss it. Anyone else that stumbles across it will just be a lucky bugger.

And now for another revealing moment... no pun intended. Behold my before and now pics...















Yay me.

Hope you weren't eating ;}