what a difference 5kgs makes....

Well probably more like 7-10kgs if my first weigh in is anything to go by. Lost 5kgs in the first two weeks and I haven't weighed myself since so I'm not entirely sure. I've been measuring myself every week and have lost 25cm til now. I'm really pleased with the results I'm getting. It's amazing how much of a difference it's made to me so far. I'm starting to notice the looseness in my clothes and today I had a whole bunch of people ask me if I've lost weight and give me compliments. Just wait til they see me in another couple of months!! All this good food and exercise is doing me wonders. And DAMN I just feel so good!

The main thing with the 5-10kgs is that I've rediscovered my inner hottie. I know that she never truely left me but I haven't felt attractive in a long long time. But lately as I've gone shopping or walking around somewhere I've caught people looking at me again or giving me a doubletake - hell it's hard to miss me when I'm 6' tall but most people don't see fat people - or you get the look, then look away thing. I don't know whether it's just my perception or whether it's that inner goodness feeling is shining through but it feels really good to be 'seen' again.

I've come from being a skinny tall hottie to being a obese tall nottie so I've seen both sides of the being looked over/being overlooked thingo. Very interesting but sadly and much to my surprise I enjoy being looked over than overlooked. I never used to be like that in fact it made me very uncomfortable to be looked at. I've never flaunted my figure in tight tops etc au contraire I was the queen of baggy tops. I'm not sure if I'll ever be like that but it's nice to be optically appreciated ;} I still dress for my shape at the moment but I think I'm carrying myself differently.

It's either the inner hottie shining through or the fact that I look a little more striking as I've dyed my hair from honey blonde to dark brown. Fortunately for me I have the complexion to carry it off but it does make my green eyes more striking than being blonde. Havin m'self a mini makeover!

There are so many good things going on at the moment - those big changes at work are all moving in the right direction and looks like there's still more interesting developments on the horizon. I'm really enjoying my friendship with Sisa and everyday I just enjoy her more and more, a very unexpected friendship. I'd be so pleased if she decides to move to Melb at the same time as me. That'd be so grand. My house is coming together nicely, all the little loose ends are coming together.

But I'm very sad to say that I'm totally hooked on this year's Big Brother and it's only because the most gorgeous man is on the show. Thomas, super tall, super cute, super sweet AND a real estate agent. What more could a girl want.... (and is profile pic REALLY doesn't do him any justice)

anyhoo, gotta go perve!

and now for the pointy end of the stick

While in Melbourne I had a total shift in thinking and I'm embarking on a new path. Well several new paths but I'll get to that. I know it's all the rage at the moment but my host Kip in Melbourne made me watch The Secret dvd. A lot of it I already knew but there were certain aspects that really clicked with me. So much so I made 5 pages worth of notes and had a 6 hour deep and meaningful with Kip about life, the universe and everything.

A couple of things have resulted from that whole thing. Most importantly is that I'm now on a new eating program and absolutely loving it. I'm doing the Cohens "diet". I sat down and tried to work out why I've failed in all of my past attempts to get rid of the excess weight and it's come down to a few things. Despite my best intentions I'm just lazy so rigorous excercise programs just don't cut it for me and like all diets and programs that I've been on in the past they've petered out over the first 3-4 weeks. I start all gung ho and then meh couldn't be bothered. I just can't stick to it on my own. I've tried working out with a buddy and having chats about food and stuff but ultimately one or both of us slide into decline.

This time someone is helping me. I have a 'personal consultant' who I have set goals with and have mandatory monthly weigh ins. There are two-monthly blood tests (done by an independant third party) to measure blood glucose, liver function etc. Actually my first blood test was pretty telling - I have impaired fasting glycemia which is on the road to developing diabetes. The normal range is between 3.4-5.4 and mine was 6.1. Not surprising really but very interesting and even more incentive to stick with it.

I've got a long way to go but I've been on this program for a week today and damn I feel good! I'm still waiting for the hard part to kick in. And already today, two people have asked me if I've lost weight and even though I may have lost a little (I haven't weighed myself) it's probably just my increased confidence coming through. I feel thinner. I feel excited by this diet and where I'll be at the end of it. The food isn't anything different from what I normally eat but there's very little dairy, no sugar and limited wheat. Other than that it's basically meat and veg and a bit of fruit. The main difference to my normal meal is portion size. Sure I get a little hungry but it's not going to kill me.

I think part of the reason that I feel that this is going to succeed is that I have someone that I'm accountable to. It's clear to me that I'm not accountable to myself. I'm not good at keeping promises to myself and I cannot stick to any sort of eating or exercise program by myself. I'm approaching this program with a positive attitude and a commitment to stick with it. Sure I'm not allowed to have some of the things I love but it's a short term pain for a long term loss. I can deal with that. And I've gotten myself organised. I've made backup plans, I'm planning ahead and I have an answer for everything and I'm sticking to it by the letter. And I don't have a problem with that because it's not hard.

The other reason I know I will succeed is because I've come to terms with the reasons behind putting on the fat suit. That's a whole other post as this one is already getting long but I think that acknowledging the reasons and dealing with the issues behind it is another step in the right direction and a step in keeping it off. That and once I get down to my goal weight I NEVER EVER want to be where I am today again. EVER.

The other conclusion that I came to on the weekend is that I like the program because I have control. Intense control over what I eat. Not that I never had control before but it was as if it was all unconscious with no thought to what I was putting in my mouth. Even on the weekend I've caught myself unconsciously about to eat something without realising it. I made my brother a gummy bear filled egg for easter and there were a few left over and as I was tidying the kitchen I had one of them half way up to my mouth before I realised what I was doing. Same with some left over munchies in the fridge, half a dozen times I caught myself zombieing to the fridge when I was bored about to go and snack. So all offending items have been removed from the house and it's business as usual.

Anyway I'm really happy about this and excited about the future. There's also been some major developments at work which mean good things for me so I'm excited about that. Now if only I can get my love life in order I'll have won the trifecta!

Life is good.

toooo much!

Hi! long time no talky. Sorry bout that but it's just been manic lately, yup even more than usual. Work's going crazy and I'm working crazy hours. In a way I enjoy it but ugh tiring.

Got the biggest compliment when in Melbourne, well I think so anyway. Went out with my friends to a club and I got asked for ID! I asked him if he was serious and either with bouncer poker face or straight up for real he said yes. Didn't ask any of my mates for their ID so either he genuinely thought I was under 18 or just wanted to check out my address (but haha my real address is on the back cuz it's changed from when I got my licence). I showed him and said I LOVE you and he just laughed and let me in. I'm 32 by the way.

It's funny because I started going to nightclubs and bars when I was 14/15 and never got asked for ID until I was 22. Let me just say that I'm really tall and that certainly helps you look older. I guess that I don't look that old. I know I certainly don't act 32 because the woman who has made me coffee for the last 3 or so years nearly died last year when it was my birthday and I told her I was 32. She didn't believe me and made me show her my licence - she thought I was 25ish. I love her too ;} See that's where being immature gets you - eternal youth haha.

Getting back to Melbourne for a sec, going there has definately affirmed my plans to move there. In a way it's nice that the Universe has given me a little time to get my shit together and tie up the loose ends so that I can go when it's the right time. In fact Sisa turned around yesterday and told me that she wants to move there as well. Now that would be unreal. It'd be great to still hang around with her in Melb, now if only I could convince Chip...

Had a dream about this hotness last night and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I'm not going to bore you with the details but hey, any excuse to share a little hotness with you. Just my type - dark hair, stunning blue eyes (although I prefer green but I'm not complaining). And he's Eddie Cahill from CSI New York just in case you're wondering between drools.

Speaking of hunky men I've started taking archery lessons on Sunday mornings and there is a seriously hot guy who has been coming to shoot so it's been a little hard to concentrate. All part of my mememe plan for this year but at the same time it occured to me that it's the obvious place to meet someone because we're both doing something that we love. It's like my library thing - I haven't been keeping you posted bout that but there have been a few flirtations between the aisles there, nothing serious so keep your pants on but fun (and ego boosting) regardless. So maybe I'll have some Robin Hood stories for you shortly.

And speaking of the library can anyone recommend a good book? I've read everything that was on my To Read list and I'm about to go down a library aisle and randomly select a book so I'd welcome any suggestions.

Oh and happy Easter by the way... hope it was choc filled.

I've got more things for ya but I'll save them for next time as I've got to go and perve on the hotness that is Will Traval (must be ovulating or something). The "cocky surgical intern who just wants to be the best surgeon he can be" geez... from All Saints (aussie hospital drama).

Box of tissues at the ready....