what am I sposed to do when the best part of me was always you

I love song lyrics just a little more than poetry and I think I'm going to go back to my complexgirl habits of making the title of my posts an excerpt from the song that I'm listening to. Needless to say it's The Script, this bloody song has been stuck in my head and it could be a casualty of the constant rotation ala my local radio station but nevertheless I do like that lyric. So from now on join me in guess that lyric eh?

And the fact that I had to get assistance for my password here shows how long I've posted in the the flesh rather than via mobile and to be quite honest it feels a lil dirty ;}

I haven't had a good ranty post in a while and by god I've got a few rants to let out of the cage so let us begin.

Now you may or may not know how much of a private person I am in real life. Hard to believe considering I blog in a public forum but do note that it is anonymous (well relatively to those 3 people I've actually met and live half a world away from... anyway shaddap) but I really am quite a private person to the annoyance of some people because I don't (or find it so hard to) let them in. One thing that bugs the absolute shit out of me is when someone random like my nailsgirly (whom I share with Chip aka blabbermouth) tells me that I need to go out more or that I need to find a nice guy and settle down or some other random factoid that Chip has recited. Bugshit doesn't even come close and because I understand social decorum I don't immediately stand up, slap her in the face and walk out sans did nails. But MAN do I feel like it. I know that Chip can't help flapping her gums but it annoys me that it has to be about me, surely she's got something better to talk about me because really, I'm boring but we'll keep that between us. And secondly don't presume to know me and what's going on with me. The thing that shits me with people who say I should settle down, it's not like being single is my fucking choice or preference. I would happily settle down, you just show me a half decent tall (and half intelligent cause I can't abide stoopid) man my age and within my range of options and bloody hell I'm there in a snap. And thirdly, I really hate being told what to do. oooooohhh now that really rattles my cage and is a whoooollle other conversation.

More ranty goodness: And I guess this is part of a bigger issue that I'm slowly discovering and trying to deal with... I have dad issues (duh doesn't every "little girl"). And I'm not entirely sure what they are exactly. Part of it is an approval thing in that subconsciously I need his approval or rather his lack of disappointment if that makes sense. So recently I registered my business name and started working on my website, logo, business plan etc. And you'll excuse me if it's just my perception of the situation or me being overly sensitive but not only has my dad been suggesting alternative business names like the clappers but he went out and got a professional to come in and do exactly what my business is about.... AND it's exactly what I've told him to do before. Yay the vote of confidence in my abilities. I'm not sure if he's just being oblivious or what but that stung a little more than I'd like to admit out loud.

I'm sure there was more to rant about... hell if there is I can always come and edit post to add it in. ;}

Only 11 more sleeps til I'm in Melbourne again, *sigh* can you say excitement?

the stars are aligned

My horoscope for this week:

A change of residence or around family members is indicated for many Scorps in association with the solar eclipse of Feb 7, which may be associated with a new career path. The changes being made are for the best and bring many benefits with them. Travel or better education may be part of the deal.


Apart from the bad engrish I'm hoping it means that I get a call on Thursday asking me to come in for an interview for the job I applied for last monday. Funny but it's in the travel sector. Please mean that... please.

I'm so unsatisfied with just about everything in my life. I'm annoyingly restless and can't keep my mind on anything. I have a feeling that I won't be traveling overseas as planned, haven't heard from Benji or anyone else I want to catch up with so it looks like Plan B - spend 2 weeks in Melbourne. Really, really, really can't stand work at the moment (words don't even come close), my friends are being shallow, I'm stoopidly in love with a man who doesn't know I exist, I can't work out what I'm doing with my life and the list goes on... the only thing I am happy with is my weight. 3 kilos away from my goal and the end to this madness is in sight. Although I did have a major chocolate binge on the weekend in the pit of my despair and before you gimme the lecture about undoing all my hard work, I know I know... bite me.

I'm annoyed at being annoyed, I seem to go round and round in circles with this dissatisfaction thing and I'm just not coming up with the answer. I think one of the main things that has come to light for me in the last month is that I need to get away from my current employment. It's overtaking my life in that I can't sleep, I'm drafting emails and thinking of the things I didn't manage to get to at 3am in the morning, I'm frustrated all day because I can't get to the things I need to or get to do the work I want to not to mention the stoopid politicking and inconsequential bollocks I have to put up with on a daily basis. I think that if I had a job that is actually 9-5 and not 8-7 and all absorbing, all superstressing that I could find a modicum of a life. That combined with being in a new environment with new people and new challenges I think it would refresh me a little. The main thing I want is a job that I can leave at work when I step out the door and drive home. *sigh* I'm bitching again... sorry... do you want some cheese and crackers with that whine?

So finding a job is at least step one... So bring it on solar eclipse... please... before I do something that I'll regret like resign before having a job to go to... because I've been close in the last fortnight...

And oh joy of joys, V day is round the corner.

OK

enough whinging... off to exfoliate my legs ;}

Mr Right When You Need Him

Forgot to tell you bout one of the most awesome Christmas presents I've ever received, hell best present full stop.

Mr Right When You Need Him:



He's this little cardboard cutout with magnetic sayings which include:

• You look thin. Have you lost weight?
• As always, you're right.
• I could listen to you talk all night.
• May I take you shoe shopping?
• It's not your fault, it's mine.

And there are three blanks for you to inscribe your own sayings. The little booklet that comes with him is bloody hilarious! A few sections for your reading delight:

When exactly do you use Mr Right When You Need Him?

You'll find that once you welcome Mr Right When You Need Him into your life, you'll have a multitude of situations you'll be glad to have him on hand for:

• Shopping in badly lit bathing suit dressing rooms (with those sadistically magnified mirrors!)
• Enduring road raging traffic (just prop him up on the seat next to you and rant away!)
• Contemplating eating another slice of cherry cheesecake (oh hell, eating that whole cherry cheesecake!)
• Returning home for hight school reunions/family reunions (all kinds of angst-inducing reunions)

No matter where you may be going - someplace hoity-toity or merely to the linen closet - Mr Right When You need Him will be happy to be there by your side.

Signs of possible overuse:

Many of you right now may be wondering: Is it possible to overuse Mr Right When You Need Him?
The answer, my friends, is : Yes.
You'll know you've been spending too much time with Mr Right When You Need Him when you find yourself making out with him in restaurants. I understand there will be a part of you that will want to flaunt your love, but any overt displays of public affection with Mr Right When You Need Him should be curtailed immediately.

After all, he's just a doll - a D-O-L-L doll.



Pretty funny ;) but the section I love the most is the last one as there are little grains of truth in there...


Is it possible to find a real living, breathing Mr Right When you Need Him?

I believe there are real living, breathing - albeit oft times belching - Mr Right When You Need Hims out there to be found. And I believe, in time, you'll find one if you:

1. Burn that book The Rules. I know a lot of women say the way to catch a man is to play games. Not me. I believe if you use Game-Playing Bait, you lure in Game-Playing Fish.
2. Get out there. You must search willy nilly for a real Mr Right. Go to parties, museums, the park. Remember: You won't meet men sitting alone in your apartment. Well, except pizza delivery men.
3. Stop thinking: "If only I had thinner thighs!" and start working on getting a stronger gut. We must all learn to trust our guts and get out of a bad relationship fast. I now what I speaketh of. My motto: It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life.
4. Never go to bed angry at your man (and miss the make-up sex? No way!)
5. Most importantly, don't always be blaming yourself for every bad date and every bad relationship. Remember: It's not always your fault. After all what's not to love and desire about you? You're totally adorable and gorgeous just as you are! In fact, you've been looking especially thin lately. Just ask that doll of a guy...

Like I said, awesome present! teehee!

Hey guess what????

I'm annoyed! yes I know!! shock, horror right? bit of a change for me, right? *sigh* Why am I annoyed you ask, allow me to count the ways....

1. A minor annoyance but I've succumbed to the siren song that is Facebook. I tried to resist. Really I did.

2. Have I mentioned the morons that I work with lately? Need I go there really? (actually I wish I could without the fear of being dooced)

3. I hate doing backflips (not physically cuz as IF) and even more than that I hate being forced to do backflips by the powers that be... makes me feel dumb, incompetant and foolish. 3 things I know I'm not. Fuckin pricks...

4. Fricking Blogger won't let me load up my video blog. Well dunno if it's Blogger per se but sat here for 40 mins while it looked like it was doing it's thing but... as you can see... no video post. I'll keep trying.


Good things from today:

1. finally got an email from Benji, YAY! but looks like he's not coming home for Xmas, Boo! So I'm definately going travelling to UAE and Canada in March/April, YAY! So it's official.... TG coming to a town near you!

Okay I feel better now... off to play in facebook... *sigh* I really have been suckered in...

That's not phunny

I'm still in a feral mood so I'll leave you with the below meagre offering instead of a lot of inane ranting and raving... I'll refine my rant and give it to you later.

1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backwards poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A- flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

droughts, fires, floods, rockin blogs - beware the plagues of locusts!

Well I'm back! Did you miss me? Better get comfy cuz I have a bit to catch up on.

What was going to be a quick sojourn into the country turned into 3 weeks of watery hell. Only a few months ago I was bitching about the drought we're in and how dry it is... But it's a funny country I live in. It seems we're now in the midst of a mass of floods. When they start reporting plagues of locusts I'm building m'self a bunker!

I went interstate to visit a pal of mine who had just popped out a sprog (a blue one named Jake) and got stuck there for 3 weeks as we got flooded in. All of the roads in and around the town were flooded and the town itself was under water for 2 days. We almost got airlifted out of there by a squadron of helicopters on the worst day but as the house is on stilts we were OK. Probably one of the most bizarre experiances of my life really. It's kinda surreal when you're surrounded by floodwaters and back home they're talking about Stage 4 water restrictions.

Anyway the bridge was reopened last week and I made my soggy way back home. Got a very warm welcome home from M'Lord which was really cute. Never seen such a happy chap.

And never seen so much email in my inbox. I feel loved! We'll just ignore the fact that half of it was spam, those folks peddling viagra and russian brides love me too in their own special way. And not only that but I was made speechless (which is a rarity for me) by being honored with an award... I'm a Rockin Girl Blogger!! Who would have known? Go me! WLFG thought me worthy of the award and I have to pass it on to 5 other rockin gals... that's the hard part because most of the blogs I read are boys so lemme see what I can do. Otherwise, surprise surprise, there's a Rockin Boy Blogger award so allow me to sprinkle a few of those about if I fall short.

I dunno the rules of this thing but the first one that sprung to mind would be the gal that gave the me award because of the awesomeness that she is but I prolly can't do that since she's already been awarded.

So lemme pay it forward a little: (in random order)


The Rantings of a Not So Starving Writer
I started reading Brianne at her old blog and got hooked. Her life has more twists and turns than a rollercoaster and is way better than The Bold and the Beautiful. She makes me laugh a lot and I love her no bullshit attitude. Anyone that extends their birthday to a weeklong party rocks my world.

Chat Shit
Ditto with Fuckkit really. I started reading her on her old blog when she was still stuck in the UK and now she's travelling around my fair country causing chaos and mayhem wherever she goes whilst discovering the delights of goon and crisping her pale pommy skin.




Starting Next Monday
The Big Cheese, my favourite man. Two words - fucking hilarious. His blog should come with a warning - do not eat food and read this blog because the amount of times I've been sipping some tea or eating something and almost choked to death or sprayed tea on the screen is just stoopid. His was the first blog I ever read and was one of the reasons I started my own. So there, it's your fault Cheese :P

Lance Morrison
For some reason I always want to call him Lancey Pants but somehow resist the urge ;} Basically he's one half of the main reason I'd like to visit to Canada. I don't think that my life would be complete without meeting him.

The Dive Bar Verses
Hermes, not much more I can say because he's the wordsmith. In fact I'm not even going to tell him about this award as I'm sure it means nothing to him but I love to read his writings and glad he's back after a little hiatus. I remember the first post I read a few years ago and it was just so dirty and raw I had to read it a couple times just to soak it all in. He just has a way of taking you right there so that you can see it so clearly. I'm quite envious really.

Well that's about it for today. I've got more to catch up on but I'm just going to end up giving you eye strain so I'll leave some for tomorrow. Good to read you all again, I feel like I've been away for the longest time.

Snippets

It's funny, I often think about blogging during the day while I'm at work but once I get home the words dry up. That's my weak attempt at an apology for the lack of postage lately. I haven't really had much to write about and I'm working crazy hours. Between now and the end of the financial year things are just going to get even more manic unfortunately. At the moment I just want to say fuck it all and walk away. I'm just a little more than fed up but I gots to pay the bills. I'm sick of being undermined by my own section and with all the chaos that's going on I don't know what is going to happen. Grin and bear it I guess.

Had my first official weigh in today and I've lost 8.7kgs and 35cm! Unreal result for 4 weeks. Can't wait for the rest of it to melt off! I've got my end goal in sight!

And unfortunately it's official, Benji is moving to Abu Dhabi. In fact he's leaving next week. He came to my office and had a chat to me for almost an hour and showed me where he's going to be living etc and I just wanted to tell him not to go or to take me with him. I've been moping around and feeling really down which is just dumb because he's not mine to mope about. If I wasn't such a chicken then maybe he would be and I'd be telling you that I'm off to Abu Dhabi but tis not so my friends. He's only going for a couple of years but I can't wait that long. I hope he gets there and hates it and comes back... yeah more wishful thinking. This sucks.

Don't you hate it when you KNOW you're being irrational but you can't help it? I'm annoyed because I got what I wanted. I wanted Roger to distance himself from me a little so the whole situation wouldn't be so hard. Lately he's stopped playing with me but now that he has I don't like it and in a way I feel insanely jealous about really stoopid petty things like when he comes round for a chat then says he's got to get back to work but stops in for a chat with Spam for half an hour or chats monosyllabically to me online for 5 mins then tells me he's gotta go but stays online for another hour. Instead of being happy like I should be it irritates the hell out of me. And I know I'm being a dork and can't talk myself around. Sometimes I really wonder who's in charge of me...

Anyway I'm just annoying myself now so I'll leave you with those happy thoughts har har.

what a difference 5kgs makes....

Well probably more like 7-10kgs if my first weigh in is anything to go by. Lost 5kgs in the first two weeks and I haven't weighed myself since so I'm not entirely sure. I've been measuring myself every week and have lost 25cm til now. I'm really pleased with the results I'm getting. It's amazing how much of a difference it's made to me so far. I'm starting to notice the looseness in my clothes and today I had a whole bunch of people ask me if I've lost weight and give me compliments. Just wait til they see me in another couple of months!! All this good food and exercise is doing me wonders. And DAMN I just feel so good!

The main thing with the 5-10kgs is that I've rediscovered my inner hottie. I know that she never truely left me but I haven't felt attractive in a long long time. But lately as I've gone shopping or walking around somewhere I've caught people looking at me again or giving me a doubletake - hell it's hard to miss me when I'm 6' tall but most people don't see fat people - or you get the look, then look away thing. I don't know whether it's just my perception or whether it's that inner goodness feeling is shining through but it feels really good to be 'seen' again.

I've come from being a skinny tall hottie to being a obese tall nottie so I've seen both sides of the being looked over/being overlooked thingo. Very interesting but sadly and much to my surprise I enjoy being looked over than overlooked. I never used to be like that in fact it made me very uncomfortable to be looked at. I've never flaunted my figure in tight tops etc au contraire I was the queen of baggy tops. I'm not sure if I'll ever be like that but it's nice to be optically appreciated ;} I still dress for my shape at the moment but I think I'm carrying myself differently.

It's either the inner hottie shining through or the fact that I look a little more striking as I've dyed my hair from honey blonde to dark brown. Fortunately for me I have the complexion to carry it off but it does make my green eyes more striking than being blonde. Havin m'self a mini makeover!

There are so many good things going on at the moment - those big changes at work are all moving in the right direction and looks like there's still more interesting developments on the horizon. I'm really enjoying my friendship with Sisa and everyday I just enjoy her more and more, a very unexpected friendship. I'd be so pleased if she decides to move to Melb at the same time as me. That'd be so grand. My house is coming together nicely, all the little loose ends are coming together.

But I'm very sad to say that I'm totally hooked on this year's Big Brother and it's only because the most gorgeous man is on the show. Thomas, super tall, super cute, super sweet AND a real estate agent. What more could a girl want.... (and is profile pic REALLY doesn't do him any justice)

anyhoo, gotta go perve!

toooo much!

Hi! long time no talky. Sorry bout that but it's just been manic lately, yup even more than usual. Work's going crazy and I'm working crazy hours. In a way I enjoy it but ugh tiring.

Got the biggest compliment when in Melbourne, well I think so anyway. Went out with my friends to a club and I got asked for ID! I asked him if he was serious and either with bouncer poker face or straight up for real he said yes. Didn't ask any of my mates for their ID so either he genuinely thought I was under 18 or just wanted to check out my address (but haha my real address is on the back cuz it's changed from when I got my licence). I showed him and said I LOVE you and he just laughed and let me in. I'm 32 by the way.

It's funny because I started going to nightclubs and bars when I was 14/15 and never got asked for ID until I was 22. Let me just say that I'm really tall and that certainly helps you look older. I guess that I don't look that old. I know I certainly don't act 32 because the woman who has made me coffee for the last 3 or so years nearly died last year when it was my birthday and I told her I was 32. She didn't believe me and made me show her my licence - she thought I was 25ish. I love her too ;} See that's where being immature gets you - eternal youth haha.

Getting back to Melbourne for a sec, going there has definately affirmed my plans to move there. In a way it's nice that the Universe has given me a little time to get my shit together and tie up the loose ends so that I can go when it's the right time. In fact Sisa turned around yesterday and told me that she wants to move there as well. Now that would be unreal. It'd be great to still hang around with her in Melb, now if only I could convince Chip...

Had a dream about this hotness last night and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I'm not going to bore you with the details but hey, any excuse to share a little hotness with you. Just my type - dark hair, stunning blue eyes (although I prefer green but I'm not complaining). And he's Eddie Cahill from CSI New York just in case you're wondering between drools.

Speaking of hunky men I've started taking archery lessons on Sunday mornings and there is a seriously hot guy who has been coming to shoot so it's been a little hard to concentrate. All part of my mememe plan for this year but at the same time it occured to me that it's the obvious place to meet someone because we're both doing something that we love. It's like my library thing - I haven't been keeping you posted bout that but there have been a few flirtations between the aisles there, nothing serious so keep your pants on but fun (and ego boosting) regardless. So maybe I'll have some Robin Hood stories for you shortly.

And speaking of the library can anyone recommend a good book? I've read everything that was on my To Read list and I'm about to go down a library aisle and randomly select a book so I'd welcome any suggestions.

Oh and happy Easter by the way... hope it was choc filled.

I've got more things for ya but I'll save them for next time as I've got to go and perve on the hotness that is Will Traval (must be ovulating or something). The "cocky surgical intern who just wants to be the best surgeon he can be" geez... from All Saints (aussie hospital drama).

Box of tissues at the ready....