know me, broken by my master

Well just 2 more sleeps and I'm off to Melbourne. Funny because I'm sure that the last time I spoke about it I'm sure it was 48 sleeps or something like that. How time flies eh? I'm super excited and have so many plans for my 1 short week. I'm not sure I mentioned it but I'm there chiefly for the Design+Decoration trade fair and all the side shows it has and I get to exercise my free NGV ticket to the Salvador Dali exhibition. And of course to catch up with some dear friends and to make general mischief which I'm good at doing when I'm there. I just love that city. I'm not sure what it is but as soon as the plane lands I feel like I am HOME. It's a really strange feeling, that "click" that I feel. The pure and utter romance that I feel for a city. I always feel like I'm smiling too much when I'm walking round by myself, grinning like a loon. It's completely intoxicating in the way that Maria was dancing and singing The Hills Are Alive atop that mountain. That's the way that I feel about Melbourne and it's a lil perverse really. Hard to explain the love of a city the way I feel it.

So yay two more sleeps. And I'll be staying at my favourite hotel, and yes again, I have a strange yen for staying in hotels. I love the crisp white sheets even though I pull them all out and wish for a doona. I love the complimentary coffee and tea (and my fave hotel also provides complimentary bikkies which I snarf YAY) and the mini soaps and white fluffy hotel towels. Who wouldn't love to stay in hotels I ask you???? Maybe I'm just too easily pleased but bloody hell I love hotels.

I do promise to try and post stuff while I'm in my fave town but if I get seriously engrossed in my town, which does happen, I beg your forgiveness because I just may be under this town's spell.

And on a side downer note, it has unbelievably been 8 months since I had to put down my love. Funnily enough I had my Mum's cat sit on my lap last night and that's what cracked me. The fact that I hadn't had a cat sit on my lap, purring, lapping up the chin scratchies for eight months. I was OK thinking it in my head but once I voiced it to Chloe (the cat) it broke me down. Yes I know it's been 8 months but I still miss M'Lord EVERY fucking day and I just WISH that it would get easier... when does it get easier??? please someone please bloody tell me because I fear that the answer is never. I can't look at my photos of him because they make me crack. I'm sick of seeing him in the corner of my eye around the house and expecting him to be behind the front door each and every time I walk in. I miss my 'tuck in' kisses at night. Habits are hard to break..... when does it get easier I ask you?

Anyway 2 sleeps :)

what am I sposed to do when the best part of me was always you

I love song lyrics just a little more than poetry and I think I'm going to go back to my complexgirl habits of making the title of my posts an excerpt from the song that I'm listening to. Needless to say it's The Script, this bloody song has been stuck in my head and it could be a casualty of the constant rotation ala my local radio station but nevertheless I do like that lyric. So from now on join me in guess that lyric eh?

And the fact that I had to get assistance for my password here shows how long I've posted in the the flesh rather than via mobile and to be quite honest it feels a lil dirty ;}

I haven't had a good ranty post in a while and by god I've got a few rants to let out of the cage so let us begin.

Now you may or may not know how much of a private person I am in real life. Hard to believe considering I blog in a public forum but do note that it is anonymous (well relatively to those 3 people I've actually met and live half a world away from... anyway shaddap) but I really am quite a private person to the annoyance of some people because I don't (or find it so hard to) let them in. One thing that bugs the absolute shit out of me is when someone random like my nailsgirly (whom I share with Chip aka blabbermouth) tells me that I need to go out more or that I need to find a nice guy and settle down or some other random factoid that Chip has recited. Bugshit doesn't even come close and because I understand social decorum I don't immediately stand up, slap her in the face and walk out sans did nails. But MAN do I feel like it. I know that Chip can't help flapping her gums but it annoys me that it has to be about me, surely she's got something better to talk about me because really, I'm boring but we'll keep that between us. And secondly don't presume to know me and what's going on with me. The thing that shits me with people who say I should settle down, it's not like being single is my fucking choice or preference. I would happily settle down, you just show me a half decent tall (and half intelligent cause I can't abide stoopid) man my age and within my range of options and bloody hell I'm there in a snap. And thirdly, I really hate being told what to do. oooooohhh now that really rattles my cage and is a whoooollle other conversation.

More ranty goodness: And I guess this is part of a bigger issue that I'm slowly discovering and trying to deal with... I have dad issues (duh doesn't every "little girl"). And I'm not entirely sure what they are exactly. Part of it is an approval thing in that subconsciously I need his approval or rather his lack of disappointment if that makes sense. So recently I registered my business name and started working on my website, logo, business plan etc. And you'll excuse me if it's just my perception of the situation or me being overly sensitive but not only has my dad been suggesting alternative business names like the clappers but he went out and got a professional to come in and do exactly what my business is about.... AND it's exactly what I've told him to do before. Yay the vote of confidence in my abilities. I'm not sure if he's just being oblivious or what but that stung a little more than I'd like to admit out loud.

I'm sure there was more to rant about... hell if there is I can always come and edit post to add it in. ;}

Only 11 more sleeps til I'm in Melbourne again, *sigh* can you say excitement?

Now I'm back here down on Earth

I am officially a business owner.

My business name registration came through on Friday.

AND I have a date with an actual nice guy. Well I think he's nice... uh yep it's a semi blind date. I've swapped photos with him, talked to him on the phone and via email but not met him face to face yet. So we'll see. Not meeting him til next week so I'll report back on him then.

But the business.... am getting my website together, working on my logo etc, already have my business plan finalised. Still trying to get used to the idea that I'm a business owner. In a way it doesn't mean much right now as I'm still in the planning phase and haven't actually had a client yet but am working on that. Still madly working 11 hour days in the meantime. Good thing I don't sleep otherwise I'd never get anything done har har.

And a funny aside, the weather today on Today was broadcast from Dundas Square in Toronto. Stood in the exact spot that the chick was standing, minus the snow and icy wind of course. Toronto rocks by the way :D

I keep waking up and thinking it's Saturday and I can roll over and go back to sleep - don't you hate that...

Crossroads

Well yes I am alive and haven't been kidnapped by an arab prince and being held hostage in a harem against my will. I've returned in one piece but... words just don't even begin to describe the pure and utter hell that has been my life since my return. If I didn't have a mortgage and require money to buy food and pay the bills I would have quit my job 100 times over during the last couple of weeks. I thought it was pretty bad before I left but magnify that by about 1 brazillion and you're somewhere near the vicinity.

Let's just say that I'm looking for a new job. But at the same time I had a very inspiring conversation with someone I haven't seen in a very long time which has inspired me to get my act together and get my own business up and running. I've decided on a business name and started working on my business plan... The main thing that got me started was her saying " You work for 11 hours a day, you come home and still think about work (or do a little extra work) then can't sleep because you're thinking about work, then wake up during the night drafting emails or dreaming about work - imagine channeling the energy you're putting into a job you hate into a job you love? Imagine what you could achieve?" So fucking true....

So I'm looking for a job that I like but will afford me time to get my business up and running on the side. And yes I've been channeling that energy into the right spot.... watch this space.

I know I should give you an update on the whole Benji thing but let me sum it up by saying "He's just not that into me". Had a brilliant time on my trip, no fucking brilliant time on my trip but my secret mission was a failure. C'est la vie folks. Live and learn right?

and I REALLY missed my cat... also sad but true ;}